Bittersweet day today. This will probably be a long rambling post but... We celebrated the kids birthdays, it was the first one we celebrated without my dad, the second without my mother. Its always difficult, I think about them every day, and its harder some days than others. I work in the same business in the same town and with a lot of the same people as my dad did so there are a lot more reminders of him. I hear stories all the time from the guys that worked with him when they were kids. From tricks of the old school trade he taught them to things he did for them personally. Its always strange to hear things you didnt know about someone after theyre gone, theres so much I didnt know, as is probably the case with most people I guess. Its been tougher than I imagined, and I dont always know how to deal with things or make the right decisions. In addition, from my work I see the hospital where my mother died and every time I hear a First Flight helicopter take off or land it instantly takes me back to watching my dad be loaded in the back of it and flown to Florida Hospital. It was the last time he was outside of a hospital alive and along with seeing him shocked with the paddles are the worst images of my life and I will take them to the grave. I am reminded daily from a lot of different people and different triggers and I find that I have pulled away, sometimes unintentionally, from things that remind me of both parents because I dont like to talk about them because it still stings a bit and Ive probably hurt people in this process of self preservation but like I said I dont always know what the right decisions are and Im hoping it continues to get easier, even if its incrementally. I find myself confused and zoning out more often than Id like, I sometimes have problems focusing and I forget things worse than I did as a kid (anyone that knew me then knows that would be hard) but I try to keep busy hope that time will make this a bit easier and I can get beck to where I was... I was thinking about this all earlier and I picked up Luke today and told him that I loved him very very much. He acted half way annoyed and said I know, why do you always tell me that Daddy? It kinda made me smile because at least I know that he knows.... I couldnt imagine doing this all without these two, especially him.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 00:08:36 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015