Breaking News: The Paxman interview. J.P Good morning, and here in the studio with me today I have the P.R man. A leader...hold on..I have to put my glasses on so I can read the auto-queue, yes... thats better (cough) a leader of divine and godly rule: a man given to the nation at its time of greatest... sorry, who wrote this crap? P.R man I did Jeremy, well (guffaw) to be honest my mate Smithers did after a bit of a drinkypoos in my flat last night. We thought -well- it sounded rather good and made me look, you know- J.P It makes you look like an idiot. P.R Man Yes (sounding angry) I was going to talk you about that. You cant go around calling the Leader of the United kingdom an Idiot. It damages our prestige abroad. J.P But you are arent you? An idiot I mean. P.R man Jeremy, I work bally hard for this country. J.P Yes, I see... I was going to ask you about that. How many holidays have you had this year PR man? P.R man (quietly) I dont see what that has to do with anything. J.P Forgive the impertinence PR man, it just for a man who is working -as you say- Bally hard then I think the nation would want to know. P.R man (mumbling) 4 J.P Sorry what was that? I didnt quite hear? P.R man (disdainfully) 4. J.P Yes... I thought you said that, meanwhile many ordinary people cant even have one. For a man that is working hard- PR. Man -Look Paxman, I didnt come here to get slagged off, I have an image to live up to. J.P You dont like being confronted do you. PR man (coldly smiles) well can we get on to other issues. J.P Okay, now PR man, what is your position on world war one? PR man well, I think that it would be good for the nation to celebrate the centenary- J.P There we are again, You really are a stupid prick arent you? really... who would want to even remotely consider a time of celebration for a war that killed millions and achieved nothing? PR man I didnt come on this show to be insulted. I want you to say sorry. J.P I am not insulting you, I just think your timing is bad, your ideas are dangerous and this comes over as you looking a bit of an idiot. However if you want me to insult you I will. Now, what is all this about this new idea: the Nimby party (pause) what is all that about? P.R man Well it was an idea that Smithers had. A re-branding of our product, Smithers thought that if we adopt the name Nimby people will like us. J.P You dont think that it was done by Smith to make you look like an idiot, so he could take the reins of power from you? It seems that the only person who has no idea about what a nimby is happens to be you, you numbty. P.R man No never, Smithers has my complete trust, I was democratically elected we live in a democracy after all Jeremy. You just cant shift people from a position of power when you want. J.P. You mean like Thatcher and Blaire? But you wouldnt know about that would you? after all, you cannot really say that you are elected, and therefore your policies are not what the nation actually wants. P.R man There I disagree, on a poll of over one hundred people all of them said that they were happy with the governments strategy. J.P and who did you ask? P.R man well, I asked my mate Smithers ...Guilders of course (Guffaw) and I asked all my mates from Eton, they all think I am doing a fabbo job. J.P So you didnt actually ask any ordinary people. P.R man err (short pause) who are they? J.P. (shakes his head) says it all really. (pause) Look, I have had enough, can you let me go now? I cant do this...hes an idiot. (gets up and walks away.) P.R man That showed him. (smiles insanely)
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 10:43:21 +0000
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