Catherine’s Story I have struggled with social and generalised anxiety for over ten years, since I was in high school. My anxiety centres on a fear of being judged negatively by others. It has limited my opportunities and held me back from various life experiences. I lived my life feeling like a complete outcast, until I sought the help of a psychiatrist in 2002 and began drug and cognitive behavioural therapy. This changed my life, improving it unimaginably. I still had struggles; cognitive behavioural therapy was difficult, involving confronting my fears and challenging my irrational thoughts, but it was well worth it. Part of my struggle of late has been withdrawing from the antidepressant medication I have been taking for the past five years. Knowing about the likely withdrawal effects of this has made me reluctant to give it a go. I made the choice to go ahead with it after experiencing a side-effect of the drug – a dry mouth – which has caused multiple cavities in my teeth, resulting in a lot of (expensive) dental work. Having problems with my teeth has made me wonder what other negative effects this drug is having on my body. I have managed to decrease my dosage by a third in the past two months with few side-effects. I have noticed some of my pre-medication side-effects returning (such as blushing and irrational thoughts about what others are thinking of me), but these also may be effects of withdrawing from the drug. My aim is to come off the medication completely, but very slowly and by replacing the chemicals in the drug with other natural remedies such as meditation, exercise and practicing cognitive behavioural techniques to reduce my irrational thoughts and challenge my ideas about anxiety-provoking situations. A huge part of my anxiety has been my struggle with accepting who I am. I have always compared myself to others and decided that I am lacking certain qualities that I see as desirable in others. The perceived deficit causes the uncomfortable, and often agonising, feelings of anxiety and depression. I’ve learnt over the years that I am different, and that it’s okay to be different. Figuring this out has greatly reduced my overall level of anxiety. My biggest aid has been meeting someone who understands me so completely that I consider them to be my friend, my mentor, my counselor and my guardian angel. He has helped me to accept myself for who I am rather than trying to be someone I’m not. For years I have struggled against myself, trying to be social, outgoing and liked by everyone – trying to be someone I can never become. I am by nature an introverted, quiet person, happy and contented in my own company. It seems senseless to try to be the complete opposite to this. I have come to understand my limitations. Rather than trying to overcome my anxiety issues to become an outgoing, life-of-the-party type, I now see my anxiety as something that I can work on to become a happier version of what I already am. I believe that every cloud has a silver lining. There is something good that comes out of every situation. While anxiety has been a burden I often wish I didn’t have to carry, I am thankful that I do. It’s made me a better person. Can you imagine living your life without a care in the world, never experiencing any kind of hardship whatsoever? Can you imagine how shallow you would be? How insensitive and non-understanding of other people you would be? How much you would take your life and health for granted? I have developed a huge empathy for individuals who are struggling with a mental condition, or any kind of hardship for that matter. Yes, I am definitely a better person for having dealt with this condition. I have come to realise that anxiety is something I’ll carry with me for my whole life. It’s such an ingrained part of who I am. People often ask, “How can I cure my anxiety? When will it be gone?” I used to ask the same questions. I now ask, “How can I effectively manage my anxiety so that it doesn’t control me for the rest of my life?” Written by Catherine
Posted on: Wed, 10 Jul 2013 09:08:50 +0000
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