Come Back, Amazing Grace So this is what the Lord says: “If you change your heart and return to me, I will take you back.” Jeremiah 15:19 (NCV) While the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt sorry for his son. So the father ran to him, hugged, and kissed him. The son said, “Father, I have sinned against God and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, “Hurry! Bring the best clothes and put them on him. Also, put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet get our fat calf, and kill it so we can have a feast and celebrate. My son was dead, but now he is alive again! He was lost, but now he is found!” So they began to celebrate. Luke 15: 20-24 (NCV) When I was sixteen, my father died. I did not understand death. All I knew was my father was gone, and I would never see him again. I was crushed. I cried for weeks. The pain was unbearable. All I could do was get angry; I took it out on God. I yelled, screamed, and cursed him. I told him I hated him, and I told him all he ever did was take people. My grandmother had died four years earlier, and she and I were very close. I hated him for taking them. I had no understanding of death. The only understanding I had was that it was permanent. Around the time I was sixteen, I was introduced to beer. Beer took away pain. Beer took away fears and insecurities. It made me bigger and stronger. It also made me better looking and made the girls love me (so I thought). I drank until I was almost twenty-one and was in the navy. Then, beer was taking away my family, my money, my self-esteem, friends, closing in on my job, and my desire to live. Dying was more attractive to me than waking up one more day and having to face life. I hated what I saw in the mirror. I wanted to spit at the reflection. I hated the angry, selfish, violent, arrogant person I had become. I was not raised to become a drunk who hated himself. I got involved in a twelve-step program over thirty years ago, which entirely changed my life for the better and brought me to a belief and love for God. I got reinvolved in the Catholic Church and went to the seminary. But I left. Something was still missing. I got married had two great children, Kenny and Nick. My wife and I divorced after nine years. I began living a life on the wide road, doing as I pleased. I had many friends, but I was still lonely and knew something was missing. I met Janie. We dated a few years and then married. Janie is one of the best blessings that ever happened in my life. She is the best friend I have ever had. She and I are a team. I am blessed to have her as a wife. We both love each other, each other’s children, and Janie’s grandchildren, who call me Grandpa Ken and Kenpa. Something was still missing. I was still afraid of death, still not sure where I was going. I felt I had done things in my life that would surely keep me out of heaven. I knew God was forgiving, but I did sinful things anyway. What arrogance. I turned my back on God’s commands. I had cursed him and did not think there was any turning back. I had nothing against my original Catholic upbringing, but I began to attend the Church of Christ. I went a few weeks and liked what I saw. I prayed to God. I told him I wanted to give my life to him and continue to serve others. I was a counselor and had my own business at the time. I knew I was going to hell and understood why. I sent an e-mail to one of our elders, Pat, who called me. He said he was glad I e-mailed and he wanted to get together and see what plans God had in bringing us together. Pat came to my house one Sunday morning after church. He brought his Bible. I had the coffee ready. I confessed to him my past and told him I was sure I was going to hell. He told me it wasn’t up to him to forgive me. Then he told me the words that would change my life and give me what I was always missing. He said, “Let’s look in the Bible and see what God has to say.” It was as if I heard the good news of Jesus Christ for the first time. My eyes, ears, and heart must have been opened wide. I had heard this a thousand of times before but never like this. We talked about a contrite heart and repentance; for sure, I was there. I wanted to change. I wanted Jesus’ blood to cover my sins. I wanted to repent and turn back to God. Pat read me many passages on repentance and baptism. I then said to Pat, “Can you baptize me now?” Pat baptized me that night. The people that were there sang to me and welcomed me to the family. My life has never been the same. Pat and his wife, Bonnie, have become very cherished and close friends. I meet with Pat weekly for lunch. Pat has become my mentor. In AA, we call them sponsors. I call Pat my church sponsor. Pat tries to keep me in line. I now work at the church as involvement and counseling minister, for almost four years now as of 2009. When Pat opened that Bible, he opened a new way of life. I go to it daily. I go to it for all my answers. The Bible teaches me how to live, love, forgive, and be a husband, a father, a brother, and a friend. The Bible teaches me how to act at work and in the community at large. Jesus’ example is the one I strive to follow. I am God’s work in progress. I have given him everything.
Posted on: Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:28:39 +0000
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