Cross my heart this happened to someone. This pal of mine, Njoroge, (not the one from Muranga) lives in Mada, and goes to school at Strath College. For two years, he has mezaing mate for this ka chick called shirley and has been wanting to ask a her out. Now shirley (who is from neighbouring nairobi west, and also goes to strath) is this ka hottie hottie, yellow yellow with a ka petite body, ka killer smile amd those eyes..wawawawa. Finally, one day Njoro sees her there karibu soko van and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night, somewhere in those tu expe joints of westi that even njoro just somas in Pulse, lakini he is like hakuna noma, mtaka cha mvunguni lazima atoe kitanda. Sasa, friday night, njoro goes out with all of his buddies, (apo club kutwa since he has to save up chums and there pint is like a sok only) and drinks like Prohibition is coming back, all in the name of getting ideas from his pals, ama as they call it kutafuta mwelekeo kutoka kwa mabeste ndio ararue izo vitu. Si u know there mada and its mutura jamaa, njoro malizas mutura of ka finji, mara ya kuku choma ya sixty bob, mayai tatu boilo, supu ya kichwa and like 15 pints of Allsops.. Sato, he is in such bad shape that he cant make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesnt want to cancel the date, because hes afraid he wont ever talk to her again. So they meet in tao, and take a mat to westi. They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the main meal. They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesnt want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let a ka silent killer fly right there at the table, theres kiasi music and guys are smoking so no hassle. Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. Its a ka wet one. wa wa wa, ngai fafa...Oh crap, he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our njoro immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains this ka yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tu white traos (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the mat stage, they pass a ka 24hr supa...... Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week? he asks. No problem, Id like to look around too, shirley replies. They go into the shop. Fortunately, at the supa, mens fashions are on the right, womens fashions are on the left. They split up. Njoro grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the traos. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesnt see him buying the pants. He doesnt even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his shirley can read lips from 40 feet away) Trao pekee. What? asks the ka chick at the counter. Just the traos! (Eyes still trained on his date.) Counter girl: Oh, OK. He pays for the pants and walks over to his date; then they leave the store. Sasa here comes the tricky part.. Njoro tells the ka chick that he needs cash from the ATM, they plan to hit the ka rave baadaye..Sasa u know ATMs are kind of private, and he tafutas the ka Equity one, the ka watchi simamaz inje, (nani anaiba equity anyway). Without thinking njoro walks in and thankfully theres a ka window on top the ATM booth. He quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. The he proceeds to wipe himself kabisa like a katoi... He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After nusaing himself, with a ka grin he opens the bag and pulls out...just the sweater. SHIT!!
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 10:59:59 +0000
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