Dear Karma Family: Today has been a long and tiring day. Mentally and physically. I went to 2 different funeral homes today. Of course I was late to one sorry Chris N Kerrie Johnson but the fact that she has lost both parents in less than a year breaks my heart. Death is bad at anytime but death close to Christmas is heartbreaking. Tonight sadly I went to the viewing on behalf of the Karma Family. The viewing of Stephen Freeman who was a senior at Cullman High School. My mother is good friends with Stephens grandmother. I put it off because seeing a child and yes at 18 that is a child too me body laying there is almost more than I can take. The moment I looked at the casket I saw my brother laying there and I couldnt breath. I was drug back to 2007 when my baby brother was laying in the same spot and in the same room. We should not have to bury children it seems so cruel to me but I have to have faith that God has a plan or reason for this tragedy however I am not sure I could ever understand it. I wont even pretend. However I want to take this horrible event and plead with those out there reading this....We all suffer from depression it is human nature and if you have not been depressed than PLEASE tell me your secret. However some of us are not so lucky we dont have just a bad day and eat ice cream and everything will be ok. We wake up with depression and we go to sleep to depression. We all KNOW that the bad thoughts are wrong and we should not think them but knowing and doing are two different things. One reason I am very open about my depression is that if I can save one person by sharing my personal hell then it is worth it.....So I beg you if you are thinking these thoughts tell someone NOW. It does not mean you are weak. There are suicide hotlines, web pages, mental health or if you are seriously thinking call 911 or go to the ER THEN do not wait it out. Also my phone number is not a secret but if you are struggling, hurting, and giving up please reach out to me. I cant do anything other than listen. We have lost so many young people these last few weeks in our community which means there are moms and dads out there who had to do the worst thing possible. There is brothers and sisters who are left behind to try and fix the hole. Remember there are people who do love you and care about you and their world would NEVER be the same if you were not in it....I wanted to say how proud I was that when I arrived at the funeral home I saw many of his teachers and his principal. I know that they had there own grief that they will deal with. They are trying to think back and trying to remember if they could have stopped it. Was there a sign they missed. The sickness of depression makes you a very good liar. You learn to smile and make jokes with people hold normal conversations with normal people. The outside is complete and whole but the inside is broken and shattered. So please watch for signs and symptoms of your loved ones. We have a photo album that is dedicated to depression please read through it.....now that I have depressed everyone I will shut up....but as always much love to all.....
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 06:50:04 +0000
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