Dont really know where to start... Cant hide the way I feel. And I certainly cant change the way I feel. Damn tired of trying to fit the mold with all of the great advise coming from loved and not so loved ones that suggest I need to get on with life. Piss on them. I hurt. I am fully remembering every detail of the time, two years ago, when I held my daddy in my arms, I laid my head on that big old chest, tried to wrap my arms around his huge shoulders, bawled til I couldnt even breathe, and listened to the steady, strong thump of his heart beats and the raspy, desperate breath his lungs tried and prayed to God that He would relieve him of his misery, either by healing or taking him. But I am blessed. I loved, idolized, and adored my father. And he provided me with a life that was incredibly privileged. And he did it honorably. There are no mangled bodies on the stair steps to our success. He hurt no one on his climb up the ladder. He had goals, and very high goals, but he never succumbed to the temptations of an easy way to the top if it meant stomping on someone else. His greatest hurdle to success was his love of family. He was financially doomed because he was a good father and husband. And I am so thankful for that. He taught me that money does not buy happiness. Happiness is earning money on a deal well made, on effort well spent, but that is just one part of happiness. He taught us the power of love. A power so strong that no matter what comes up against you, be it raging wild fires that are burning out the pasture land while a 100 year flood is threatening to take the home and barn away at the same time, or 21% interest on carryover debts that seem completely unserviceable, or watching loved ones wither away in illness, or simply failing a class in high school or being dumped by a boyfriend - our love of one another and our belief in the love of God will bring us together in victory. His love of life dimmed when mama died, but his sparkling eyes still welcomed mischief and pranks. He summoned every ounce of strength his body and soul had to offer to live the last seven months after mama left us. He was bound to honor what he believed mama would want him to do - portray the symbol that they had lived their lives building to show we children and the grandchildren that we make our own lives, we are the pillar of our happiness and success. His presence will never leave me. I will miss him forever. I will live for his honor til the day that I die and I will die forever grateful that I was so fortunate to have him as my father.
Posted on: Fri, 05 Dec 2014 04:28:28 +0000
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