East Stanley Bloody Mary After last Sunday’s Bloody Mary session I woke up on Monday morning wearing Gav’s Crosshatch coat. Not sure what went on there and Gav said he’s been cold all week; anyway we were away in a massive derby fixture to the wee club from the East of Stanley this morning. Our team were missing Scotty Watson and his cheese string legs due to suspension and Captain Jaka. Jaka and his dad Ferry the Enforcer have gone to Hereford to join the SAS. Mick Tee told me he likes to eat Turtle Wax before a game. For all you’s in the know Turtle Wax was the retro car care product from the 80’s. Tweedy the goal keeper said he hadn’t been to bed lat night but he would be okay to play today as he had a Coxon style hair cut and it was better than Kitten Belly Greg’s attempt. Wee Wee Man for a small boy has a deep voice and 1,146 is Gav’s record for ‘keepie up’s’ apparently 101 of them are headers. The dungeon style changing rooms of Tannfield Community Centre had an awful whiff coming from them this apparently was due to the Wee Clubs mouldy strips. Elvis turned up late dressed like a policeman and The Wee Club had Conan the Barbarian playing for them. Joe Gill was still injured and had a fiver on Matty scoring the first goal of the day. Matty scored after 5mins and we were all happy. Matty wore ordinary clothes and for some reason didn’t wear a stupid vest. Joe Gill said he needed an extension on his house to fit all his football medals and trophy’s in. He said he would like to win the league this year. Peter Davison bought me a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich for breakfast but Keith his pet tarantula got a full pot of tea and a full English breakfast. Scott McCallum got a new tattoo of a sausage on his arm in the spider’s honour. During the game Dean Pearce got an elbow to the belly and was sick producing a pile of regurgitated orange carrots. Thankfully his Mam was on the side line to give him a kiss and a drink of pop to allow him to continue with the game. The pitch today was covered in bird’s feathers and Mad Stewy Hall was the wee Club’s linesman today. He gave every decision to The Arch, we thank him for this. Mick Tee who was outstanding today asked if he could be substituted with 15mins of the game remaining because he had to attend a christening, unfortunately we all forgot and he had to play the full game, he missed the start of the christening. We didn’t care. The Wee club eventually equalised with 4 minutes remaining after Colin Snailham (him who loves Stanhope cream tea’s) scored a freak goal direct from a corner kick. Slug Marshall likes to check out his reflection in car windscreens without knowing somebody is actually sitting in the car watching him. No wonder he looks like a snail more than a slug. The game ended 1.1 and I found a pound coin, this made me happy so I could buy another Bloody Mary at the Arch as me and Ex Manager Jeff were on a Bloody Mary Mission. The crack in the club was that it was Matty who stole the clothes of Hec’s washing line the other week and Kitten Belly Greg’s lass has broke the screen on her mobile phone. Elvis said he would cut her a lump of safety glass at work tomorrow as a replacement. We couldn’t watch the football in the club today as somebody would rather watch the shitty golf. EuroTez said he would rather go to Whacky Wearhouse than watch golf. All in all it’s been a good day and we are still 2 points clear at the top of the table after 5 game of the 2014/15 season. Some of the above are true made up stories.
Posted on: Sun, 28 Sep 2014 18:08:01 +0000
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