El Balonazo 7 Viejas Reliquias 3 El Crack: Steve makes an impressive debut scoring with almost his first touch Vaya Dia! 1: Dermot British - El B’s answer to Johnny English - wakes up at 9.10am Vaya Dia! 2: Aidy “Gillipollas” gets his first ever card....honestly?! El Dandy: Pugh was back from injury and the quality showed El Duro: Blinded by a vicious low sun, Mark ruthlessly took out a six-year-old kid dressed head-to-toe in a Real Madrid kit on the touchline. The Old Relics recovered from a woeful start to batter Viejas Reliquias 7-3 on a pitch that resembled an ice rink, and with a ball that was like a bar of soap. Two days after signing a multi-million euro contract, Steve Pitches was just getting used to his new surroundings when a ball landed at his feet and he scuffed a shot goalwards. VR did not have a proper keeper and the ball trickled into the net, but that was just a prompt for Mark and Dermot to show Steve what El Balonazo are really all about - Entertainment! Dermot British (as he was written down on the team sheet) was caught with the ball, and a mass goal-line scramble with at least three blocks saw the ball spoon in off the underside of the bar and into the corner. More defensive tomfoolery between Mark and Dermot led to VR’s second and contributed to their third, which skudded in past a startled David as the five-minute mark approached. Pitches was wondering whether he had signed up for a football team or a circus troupe, but ElB demonstrated they could do drama as well as comedy. A famous Iain throw saw Dermot head in from close range as their keepr flapped at the ball, and the Jersey man fired in the equaliser with barely 10 minutes gone. Two more goals from Steve again and Pugh settled ElB and an astonishing 5-3 halftime scoreline allowed both sides to regroup. Playing into a terrible low sun in the second half, ElB noted the fact VR’s fifth-choice keeper had now donned the gloves, and they continued to exploit the revolutionary new tactic of shooting low and on target. Aidy and Iain effectively ended any chances of a comeback, and ElB, as they had done last week, started giving away loads of freekicks. David was quick off his line to help a rather ragged defence when required, and Aidy attempted to show ElB can do tragedy as well as comedy and drama. After some pushing and shoving in their area, the Mackem called one of their players a ‘Gillipollas’ and was sin-binned for 5 minutes. Luckily VR were unable to exploit the extra man, or ElB’s lack of depth on the bench. Despite having a whopping 18 registered players, for a second match in a row we played with one substitute. Special thanks go to crocked ball-boys Bobby and Paul, the latter of whom missed about six goals as he tried to get a ball out of a tree. In a pitchside interview with Variety Magazine after the game, David summed it up perfecty: “Hemos jugado y hemos ganado.” Pichichi Iain 3 Aidy 2 Steve 2 Dermot 1 Pugh 1 Dog House Aidy - 1 Blue Card
Posted on: Sun, 27 Oct 2013 15:41:09 +0000
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