Ever since I first shared the news of my diagnosis with my mom, she said shes found herself asking why a lot: why did God bestow this horrible condition on my daughter, why does Christina have to suffer through all this pain and illness, what did she do to deserve this...the usual questions a mother might have when her child is afflicted with something as crappy as stupid cancer. During our most recent trip (we just came back from Dallas, TX..we were there for a few days to celebrate my moms birthday and visit her old friends), I feel like I finally realized why. On this trip, as with my visit to Finland, I was surrounded by lots of loving, supportive people...except these were my moms friends, not mine. They barely knew me; the last time most of them had seen me was when I was a very young child, yet they all still treated me as family. They freely shared their time, energy, and resources with us in order to make us comfortable and happy. On Wednesday, a group of them treated us to a wonderful lunch and took us to their church to conduct a healing prayer session. And it was while these wonderful people were standing around me and my mom, comforting her and praying for me, that I had my epiphany: I believe the reason God--or Cthulhu, or whatever higher deity you believe in--gave me this cancer was so I could see and learn that there ARE good people out there. Before the cancer, Id been screwed over big time by some really malicious people; Id lost faith in humanity, I was depressed, anxious, suicidal...and pretty much felt like most people could just f*ck off and go to hell. After my diagnosis, however, when I posted about it on facebook, a LOT of my friends came out of the woodwork--some that I hadnt heard from and assumed didnt care about me--to send words of support and love, and even monetary donations to help with medical bills. Yes, some people dropped me or cut me off, but many of my loved ones were there for me when I needed them the most. Tons of people came to visit me in the hospital, and even more wanted to visit me when I finally got to come home. Anytime Mom and/or I have visited somewhere she or I have friends, people have made efforts to come hang out with us, take care of us, and do whatever else they can to show us were loved...and we appreciate the hell out of all of this, so much. This massive, ongoing outpouring of support means more to me than anyone could probably understand...and its definitely improved my outlook on the goodness of people and the world in general (though that doesnt mean I dont still run into the occasional jerk, but hey...I do live in LA). All that aside, this trip was short, but sweet. I cant describe how happy it made me to see Mom reunite with her dear friends after so long; seeing that lovely smile light up her sweet face so often was worth having to deal with crappy-ass Delta flights :D
Posted on: Fri, 10 Oct 2014 04:01:24 +0000