Everyday, and I mean every single day, I run into someone who wants to know about; how I am, that they have a memory or something wonderful to share about Val, my kids and how theyre doing... you get the idea and Im pretty sure, unless you live an isolated life, you too get these moments of reminders like me, yes, I really lost Val and I am alone. Im in my 16th month of her going away now. And if I ponder a single thing the most about all the many facets of this experience, the one piece that keeps floating to the top more than any other is, Nobody told me about this. You see, its impossible to live in this mortal sphere and not witness illness, loss, dying and death. But it seems like until you, yourself lose the single most important person to this reality, other experiences you witness about you are just other peoples trials. You take food over, you give hugs, you say cliché things to console, you reconcile thoughts by thats what cancer does or its was their time, they were 94 or that child was so pure all she needed for her eternal progression was a body and you go back to coaching little league, baking brownies for the PTA, or jump on a conference call, because life for you goes on. But now, now I realize the depth to all this. And as I stand back, I wonder, of all the billions and billions of people whose spirits have abandoned their mortal bodies, passed through the veil into Paradise, how can it be that there is no cook book for this very important, difficult time? Grief is a hushed conversation between the grieving. Feelings of loss and missing those you love so much feels like youre getting whacked with a wooden tenderizing mallet on your entire body, every waking moment of your day. You think about getting on with life and you might even hope to find another who can spread some feelings of being wanted, loved even, you go out, you converse, but it all not only feels like its just spackle spread across a big gaping hole in your heart wall, but it looks like a 3 year tried doing that patching. Are you ready? Ready for what? Just what is what? And I come back to, nobody told me. Its strange, none of it makes any sense. I use the bandage of my humor while trying to stop a tourniquet wound. And now, Im here. What will I tell others? How will I give them road signs and warnings to help them pass these inevitable pieces of life in an easier way? Its a mirage. You see it, you keep walking, but its either not there, or just out of reach. And, this is normal. Hmmmmm... Maybe its that simple. All that I feel, all that I want to express, all the mental and emotional gymnastics I have are just simple normal. Hmmmmm... Yet, to sum it up so simply feels like Im patronizing myself. Val, I hope youre having a good laugh at my dilemma here. At least make it all count for something! https://youtube/watch?v=_8GVafKcGCQ
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 20:32:03 +0000
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