Folks, Grandstanding over your friends mistakes on social media -- regardless of whether their mistakes are stupid or should have been caught before they hit post -- is still grandstanding. This behavior doesnt make you look clever, or more informed, or like an authority on the subject. Rather, the public eye rolling and sighing snark make you look like a condescending jerk. I didnt fall for / know more about / dont give a crap about XXXX, and therefore, I am smarter than you, and you should be ashamed. Thats what youre communicating to the person who made the original mistake. If you are genuinely concerned that a friend will be embarrassed by something theyve posted, PM them. Call them, email them -- a world of instant communication is literally at your fingertips. Let them know in private so they have a chance to save face. Youd take a friend aside at a party to point out their fly is open, or to say hey, that news story you were quoting was actually debunked, because you care about their dignity and dont want to see them humiliated in public. You wouldnt trumpet their gaffe to everyone in earshot while simultaneously proclaiming your own virtue for not making the same mistake (at least I hope you wouldnt). Extend the same courtesy to your digital selves. I bring this up because lately, with this latest round of peoples reactions to the I dont give facebook permission to use my stuff story, what Ive been seeing hasnt been friends looking out for one another. What Ive been seeing is public ridicule, whether direct or vague, and that really, really offends me. It offends me because its a spiteful response to a genuine expressed concern. People post this sort of thing because theyre feeling afraid and vulnerable, and theyre looking for reassurance. (and no, that really is what it comes down to; the you dont have my permission, facebook is a knee-jerk reaction to the perceived violation of ones privacy, and the privacy of ones near and dears). Theyre looking for reassurance from their friends, in a forum where the greatest number of their friends will receive the message in the shortest amount of time. And instead of responding in the way a friend in need needs, by assuaging concerns and setting their mind at ease you slapped them -- publicly, over a medium as indifferent as this -- and that hurts. Social media allows us to present flawless version of ourselves. We can take minutes or days to construct a prefectly crafted post or response. Its why I dislike social media as a means of communication. Theres no immediacy to it, no realism, no flaws or warts -- just an endless campaign of vetted personal branding from our interior marketing departments. Real humans, in real conversations, make mistakes and stumble and say stupid shit. In a face to face with a person you respect, you wouldnt latch onto a mistake and hoist it up a flagpole as a sign of your own superiority. Look, you can make the argument that people should know better, that they agreed to whatever contract, and that the answer was but a click away blah blah and thats why you Snopes sniped them. The same annoying post may have come across your feed forty times already, and youre sick and tired of seeing it. But heres the thing -- you can ignore it, or hide it. Let it be as water on a ducks back and roll right off. Responding with disproportionate anger is always an escalation. Why you did it, I dont care; I care THAT you did it, and publicly, in a self-aggrandizing manner meant to embarrass. And whether that was your intent or not, thats what was received, and and thats the sort of thing that can cost you friends. Remember your Maya Angelou: people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” The soapbox is here for whoever wants it next.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Oct 2013 23:56:46 +0000
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