For many of us party animals/degenerates/pitiable lushes, the work hangover is an unavoidable fact of life. Having to drag your sorry ass out of bed, onto the Tube and into the office when your head is banging harder than rabbits in springtime is no easy feat. And the after-effects of an ill-advised booze sesh on a school night are never more keenly felt than today, March 18. It’s the day after St Patrick’s Day and let’s face it: you’re hanging. Well it would appear you have the luck of the Irish, because below are some foolproof techniques to help you through this difficult time. You’re very welcome… Challenge 1: Getting out of bed. Difficulty rating: 9/10 Method: The trick here is to rip off the band aid without making your head hurt too much. A swift but smooth movement is required. Success rate: 5/10. Many fall at the first hurdle and call in sick. Challenge 2: The outfit. Difficulty rating: 7/10 Method: Put on your most professional-looking clothes in order to fool everyone into thinking you’re with-it. Success rate: 4/10. The reality is that many people struggle not to resort to jeans and a hoodie on a day like this. Challenge 3: The commute. Difficulty rating: 10/10 Method: Keep looking ahead. Do not sit on a seat facing backwards (especially if driving a car). Success rate: 2/10. The likelihood of vomiting is high with this one. Challenge 4: Trying to appear human. Difficulty rating: 6/10 Method: Smile as you walk into the office and everyone will think you’re fine. Success rate: 7/10. Being outwardly cheery sounds like a doddle, but it’s easier said than done on a hangover. Challenge 5: Inter-colleague relations. Difficulty rating: 8/10 Method: The technique here is to tell your colleagues you’re ill early on, in the hope that they just won’t bother you for the rest of the day. Success rate: 9/10. Easy-peasy. Challenge 6: Lunch break. Difficulty rating: 3/10 Method: Head out into the fresh air (but don’t venture too far; you’re vulnerable today) and find yourself something greasy. Buy some snacks for later, too. Success rate: 9/10. In many ways this is the easiest part of your day. Challenge 7: A meeting. Difficulty rating: 5/10 Method: Keep a very, very low profile. (N.B. this doesn’t work if it’s a one-on-one meeting.) Success rate: 8/10. As long as you stay quiet, this is easier than doing actual work. Challenge 8: The afternoon lull. Difficulty rating: 10/10 Method: Start making your way through those snacks you bought at lunch. Success rate: 2/10. You will survive, but only just. Challenge 9: Leaving time Difficulty rating: 2/10 Method: Try your best not to leap up from your desk at the very minute Success rate: 9/10. You will definitely be able to leave the office. Whether or not you manage to leave at an acceptable time is another matter entirely.
Posted on: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 11:12:55 +0000
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