Forget Obamacare, Introducing The ObamaCar! In an effort to win back the hearts of the American People, the White House today announced its support of the new ObamaCar program. “Too many Americans are driving substandard cars,” said White House Spokesperson Jay Carney during today’s press briefing. “In fact, there are a lot of Americans who don’t even have cars. That is why the President, by executive order, has initiated the ObamaCar Program.” The new program will see that all Americans, regardless of age, place of residence, or occupation will be required to purchase a vehicle suitable to meet the standards mandated by ObamaCar. However, Carney was quick to point out that this did not mean that anyone would be forced to give up their favorite ride. “If you like the car you are driving now, you can keep your car. Period.” Carney read from a prepared statement by President Obama. “Nobody is going to take it away from you. Period.” Carney said this means that nobody will be required to purchase a vehicle they do not want or need. Ever. As long as your current vehicle meets ObamaCar standard features, you can drive it as long as you like. Unless the manufacturer decides to recall it. “But if that happens, don’t blame us,” Carney said. “That’s the free market at work, that’s capitalism, at least how we define capitalism, in action. We didn’t do that to you.” He went on to state that all auto manufactures will be required to produce only ObamaCar-compliant vehicles. The ObamaCar will come in two basic models: The Sporty Runabout: 27194-Art-Car-Limo[1] And the Luxurious Executive Sedan: bloated car Both models come equipped with the following standard features: Driver’s Seat Child Restraints On-Board EPA Supervisor’s console and seat Left Wheel Drive Seating for Eight Air Conditioning (preset to government-mandated 87 degrees summer, 41 degrees winter) Gold Plated Power Window controls (Windows do not roll down, as drive through food is bad for you) AM/FM Stereo with permanently docked iPod preloaded with President Obama’s speeches Cruz Control “NSAvigator” GPS Location System Solar-Powered Headlights Powerful 0.5 Liter engine capable of accelerating from 0 to 40 in three minutes flat Lean Forward Design Four Full-Size Spare Tires Fully Enclosed Golf Bag Roof Pods transports up to four sets of clubs in weatherproof safety Built-in Pet Carrier and Seating for Pet Valet Glove Compartment Lobster Steamer Eco-Friendly Burlap Seat Covers Wilson Progressive 14-Point Passenger Restraint system Handicap Access Doors and Chairlift Fender-Mounted Teleprompters Heads-Up Display Closed Captioning 11,000-Page Owners Manual
Posted on: Thu, 14 Nov 2013 17:50:31 +0000
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