From January 2002 I have two sets of knives, one of which is in a wooden block. It was a wedding gift. The other set is part of a hideous, junky carousel that Joe got me for Christmas one year. Both sets are cheap and, at this point, almost worthless. When he was younger, Joey scared me to death a few times by playing with those knives. I finally put them on top of the refrigerator, out of the reach of children. I caught Joey once hacking at the back of a metal chair with one of the butcher knives. Needless to say, that ruined the blade and almost caused my heart to stop beating. Somehow the other, even junkier, knife suffered some strange accident that did the same thing to it. When I found out recently that Joey and Edie had a sword fight with the butcher knives (hence the damage), it took a while to restart my heart. One day Joe and I stepped outside for just a minute. Before the door had closed behind us, apparently, little four-year-old Edie dragged a chair over to the counter and climbed up to get one of the butcher knives. That’s horrible in itself, but that narrow counter has the refrigerator on one side and the stairwell that is open to the basement on the other. She climbed down and proceeded to go through the house, gently slashing my upholstered furniture. Think of how satisfying that would be, to draw the knife across the taut cotton and see the innards slowly ooze through. She got two couches, a loveseat, and two chairs. How could she do that? She never did anything naughty in her little life. I was so grateful she skipped the six new dining room chairs. The lesson here: Don’t even look away from your children. And if you choose to have upholstered furniture, don’t own knives. I guess the safest thing is to not own knives AND children. Just gnaw your vegetables into submission. So I broke down and bought a new butcher knife. It cost 11 whole dollars! I also bought a sharpening steel. This is a real knife, the kind you have to sharpen every time you use it. It is made of some metal from Krypton or something and the blade goes all the way through the handle, which is ergonomically perfect and is studded with little tiny massagers. What a dream. It cuts everything, although I have only butchered vegetables with it. Oh joy! Oh rapture! I sliced onions so thin I could use the slices for window glass. I diced the peppers into pieces the size of dust particles and the tomatoes into pieces so uniform they looked like they came off an assembly line. I treat this knife better than I treat my family and I have told them it is Mom’s knife. They have to use the junk. Yeah, that’s not very enticing, is it? I caught Joey trying to sneak the sharpening rod downstairs to sharpen his friend’s knife. He has his own sharpeners but somehow, Mom’s is better. I would put the knives and sharpener out of children’s reach but there is no such thing in my house anymore.
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 20:53:46 +0000
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