Geezers’ Newsletter (Southwestern Ontario’s foremost Geezer newsletter – or a lifestyle guide for Freeps and Press Club survivors) “Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, men cannot live without a spiritual life.” -- Buddha Perhaps the vapors rising from the religious book store below the original Press Club at 119½ Dundas Street inspired the notion which lay dormant until it blossomed on York Street. Or maybe it was simple faith aroused by generous consumption of spirits that foamed when poured at both locations. Then again, Press Club examples of piety, high-mindedness, fervor, holiness and devoutness may have played a role too. Whatever the motivation, Press Club members saw the light in 1973. Take a breath here readers, this may be hard to swallow – they got religion and it wasn’t altar wine that provoked the passion. Don’t misunderstand. They didn’t pontificate like reformed drug-addicted baseball players reborn to thank the Lord for each base hit. They didn’t behave like Southern Fundamentalists shouting “love your brothers” to the skies while hating Muslims, Mexicans and Obamacare. They weren’t like those TV evangelists who preach hellfire and brimstone while bilking lonely widows of their dead husband’s fortunes, then depart for the nearest cat-house to snort coke and cavort with under-age girls. No. Our colleagues’ conversions on the Road to Damascas were of a higher calling. Theirs was a more cerebral faith: sipping sacred sap from Press Club draft taps, the benediction of greeting each other with clenched fists, incantations of “Veritus in Nucibus’ (Truth in Nuts) and the anointing of the faithful at Our Lady of the London City Press Club. They were in search of a Page 1 story to bring redemption. Let’s start at the beginning with the words of Gord Sanderson: “It was in the spring of 1973 when a group of press clubbers got the nutty idea of founding a church. As I recall, the seed was sown in the office of Sound Off. The late colourful Rev. Benny Eckhardt was much in the news for bestowing blessings on bikers and we wondered how easy it might be to form a church. Not hard at all we discovered after some diligent research. Just a $20 fee and a fair bit of paperwork. Thus the Universal Church of Arbor Vitae was founded. “It grew from fertile minds well nourished by ‘the sacred sap’ over meetings in The Club over several weeks, culminating in official recognition from the Ontario ministry of consumer and commercial relations. The bureaucrats failed to “twig” the whole thing was a spoof.” Now let’s have Bob Massecar fill in some of the background. “As I recall, I was working the police beat and had some doings with the Rev. Benny Eckhart (also of the famous motorcycle wedding fame at his First Church of Christ Disciples that George Blumson and I covered). Benny, who was also the London Police Force chaplain and also had some official position with the United Nations in New York, came under investigation for his Philathea College mail-order degrees that he provided for a fee. The college was also affiliated with his church. All a person had to do was forward the specified amount of cash, and in turn, he or she would receive a diploma by post that would anoint the subscriber as recipient of a BA, MA, and even a doctorate. “In the far corners of this Earth, hell --- even in London --- nobody knew squat about Philathea College, which was registered with the province. Such an honor from Philathea, therefore, was impressive to the unsuspecting and looked great on a resume and/or list of credentials. “I had just returned to The Free Press after another round of digging into the ‘Benny affair’ and went to the cafeteria for lunch where I joined Sandy, Jim Sheppard and Pat Burley, who was Sandy’s assistant in Sound Off. We got into a conversation about Benny and how the Ontario government could sanction such an obvious phony as Philathea College. “Sandy, as mentor of Sound Off, had a brainwave and came up with the idea of finding out what we would have to do to establish something along the lines of Benny’s college. A short time later, Sandy called a meeting at the Press Club to unveil his findings. We were shocked to find out that all we had to do was fill out a bunch of forms, present a board of directors, have an official address, pay a fee and we were officially in business!” A front-page story was in the offing since the goal all along had been to find out just how difficult (or easy) it would be to set up a legal church with its attendant tax-free status and rights. “Jim Sheppard did most of the heavy lifting in steering this through to a Page 1 expose,” Sandy says. The fun was in the details of creating the church. Since London was known as The Forest City, founders drew from the Latin version to name it The Church of the Arbor Vitae. In the information presented to the province, they said theirs was a congregation that worshipped trees, and the motto under their letterhead was Veritas in Nucibus which translated to Truth in Nuts! Filling out the forms was a gas. Patsy Burley (now Lucas) recalls “Aside from coming up with high-flown phrases to describe our objective for the application – ‘to spread the branches of our faith and the sap of our spirit throughout the land until the Canadian public twigs to the acorn of our beliefs’ -- we spent a lot of time half-jokingly and half-drunkenly discussing ways to replace paper usage to save trees. The irony that we all worked for the newspaper wasn’t lost on us either. Our biggest hurdle was replacing toilet paper.” In hindsight, Bill McGrath says “we were the original tree huggers. Wood was not to be used for anything; concrete patios were good, wood Muskoka chairs were bad.” Those named in the Letters Patent were Sanderson, Massecar, Sheppard and Burley. McGrath designed an impressive letterhead. “I still have several pages of Church letterhead,” Patsy says. “It was pretty classy. The Universal Church of Arbor Vitae spreads across the top of the page. Centred banner is an acorn encircled by a laurel leaf with a small ribbon containing our motto “Veritas in Nucibus.” The four founding members and executive and titles are displayed with two on each side of the acorn logo. Robert Massecar was Secretary and Custodian of the Capillaries. Gordon Sanderson was Treasurer and Keeper of the Keys. Patricia M. Burley was Chief Kernel and James R. Sheppard was Chief Pruner and Guardian of the Faith. My more commonly used title (Titular Head of the Church) was not listed. We also didn’t list our bishoprics but I think I was archbishop of the Bruce Peninsula and Jim was Archbishop of Eastern Canada.” For a buck others could join the sect, provided they demonstrated appropriate veneration. When word spread that a party was involved religious ardor escalated. (Editor’s note: I can’t help wondering if images of frolicking naked in the moonlight by a pagan bonfire stimulated much of the interest.) “We all had lots of fun, greeting each other with clenched fist and the worlds ‘nuts to you,’” Sandy remembers. “The night we celebrated our official ecclesiastic status conferring the title of ‘bishop’ on all applicants was memorable with Father Wilcox administering the aforementioned sacred sap from a yard-of-ale glass borrowed from Johnny Downs at the Latin Quarter.” McGrath remembers that night too. “We had a party at the Press Club to celebrate our officialness with the government and everyone had to register as a Bishop. My wife was the Bishop of Kapuskasing. Warren Blahout came in just after us and tried to register as the Bishop of Kap but was surprised that someone beat him to it. I may have been the bishop of Timmins. “Our meetings were zany craziness or crazy zaniness. So much so that Don Gibb became so disgusted with us when he thought he would join the church that he stomped off in a huff. We were meeting at the club so he repaired himself to the bar to calm down. I remember John Vormitag calling himself a rootin Teuton.” The church also celebrated a blessed event. In addition to her traditional wedding in the United Church in Kincardine, Patsy felt good form required that she legitimize her union officially in the eyes of Arbor Vitae so an additional nuptial was held in the Club that fall. “CFPL-TV station provided plastic trees and decorative lights to make the occasion festive,” Patsy recalls. “During the actual ceremony, one of the plastic trees started to smoulder from the lights. Several people cried out ‘The burning bush!’ The fire was quickly smothered and it was seen as a sign from above that the marriage was blessed.” We can giggle now at the bizarreness of the whole affair. However, the question remains about how a legal church recognized by the province could so easily be established. In Sheppard’s original story, he interviewed Charles Salter, executive director of the companies division of Ontario’s ministry of consumer and commercial relations, about the depth of scrutiny applied to the application. There was virtually none. He said it would cost too much to investigate deeply and it would be too difficult to establish whether beliefs are legitimate. Once established, a new church only had to submit an annual financial report. Praise the trees and pass the sacred sap. The attachment Patsy Lucas (nee Burley) provided the attachment, a copy of the church’s letterhead. She writes: Note the lower left corner where it indicates the paper is recycled. I’m not sure it is printed on recycled paper but the statement is in keeping with the church’s objectives. The newsletter on Bill McGuire brought back a lot of memories. Having lived through multiple changes in journalism, I think I have an understanding of how the buggy whip manufacturers felt when the horseless carriage took over. Terry Baker has died Ultimate Detroit Tigers fan, Ceeps regular and former Press Clubber Terry Baker has died. Fred Smith passed on the following from his friend Ronnie Frey’s FB page: “It is with a great deal of sorrow I send this note. My life-long friend and high school/baseball buddy, Terry Lynn Baker has passed away from a heart attack. He was my best friend ever. All we can do now is remember the good times and fun we shared as youths -- the music, parties, drives to Atlantic City, Eager Beaver baseball games, musicians and many people from all walks of life. He was so well liked by everyone. Its hard to believe he’s gone! He will truly be missed by us all! R.I.P. Bear.” Terry worked at Bob’s TV until his retirement. No one knew more about baseball or loved the game more. Thanks to the Lord Brother Richards writes: Your “Thank God” quote last week reminded me of what Mac Haig once said during a discussion of some religious debacle: “Thank God Im an Atheist.” Greetings to Lou in the Bruce Gary Robins writes to remind me that I was remiss in not mentioning last week that Lou Pointon also celebrated a fifth anniversary at the Freeps in 1968. Lou now lives at Miller Lake in Bruce County. Gary says he sends the Newsletter via Lou’s friend Jim since Lou doesn’t have a computer. “This will give me another chance to berate the old goat for not having a computer! I go up to visit Lou and Doreen every couple of months and always have a great time. I am always trying to get him down here for a few days to attend the monthly breakfast and visit the old haunts but it’s tough to get him off the ‘Bruce.’” OK, Lou, get off your ass and get down here. Reminders Geezer Nation meets Thursday at the Ceeps at 2 p.m. to inhale personality enhancing fluids and to solve all the world’s problems. You don’t have to be old to attend. All are welcome. Those who can’t attend Geezer Thursdays because of other pressing engagements (a job perhaps) have a second opportunity to renew acquaintances with former Freeps or Press Club pals. A gang meets at Chaucer’s on Wednesdays at 5 p.m. Again, all are welcome. For Geezers who are also former employees of the Blackburn Group (retirees, quitees, buyoutees or firees), the next retirees’ breakfast is Feb. 5 at 8:30 a.m. or so at the Riverdale Family Restaurant at 360 Springbank Rd. As well, the Army, Navy, Air Force Club continues to invite former Press Club members to drop in for a drink at its new location at 38 Adelaide St. N. between Nelson Street and the river East Side, across from P.J.’s donuts. Sister O’Brien has established a Facebook page for former Press Club members to stay in touch. Check it out. It’s called London City Press Club Survivors. If you are a Facebook user, befriend the page. You can also look up past Geezers’ Newsletters there. News welcome If you know of any news (you know, gossip, dirt and unsavoury details about people we know) of interest to the Geezers (even a rant would be acceptable) please let me know so I can pass it on. Also if you know anyone who would like to receive the newsletter, pass along the email address. Copyright: Geezer Nation. All rights reserved. No part of this Newsletter may be reproduced or disseminated in any form without permission from Geezer Nation, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in exchange for money. unable to add photo. Sorry folks
Posted on: Tue, 18 Mar 2014 18:06:55 +0000
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