Group Input Needed: Please post anonymously. I am just beginning the divorce process with my narc husband. My 3 year old and I moved out a couple months ago. He seems to be on the moderate level of narc compared to some of the stories I have read here. My story is slightly different than any I have read so I am hoping someone will have experience in my area. My daughter has Juvenile Arthritis which is an autoimmune disease (not your grandmas arthritis) and I have to give her two injections (one is actually a chemotherapy drug) and eye drops 4 times a day, plus a couple other oral meds as well as physical therapy at home every day on top of frequent blood work and appointments with specialists every few weeks. She can go blind if her eye drops arent administered. She can have permanent joint damage if her other meds arent given. My ex has been in denial about her disease since she was diagnosed at 15 months old. he continuously makes her disease about himself and how sad he feels, yet never offered any support to me and actually has referred to my daughter as a drama queen when she was less than two years old and was unable to walk due to pain from her arthritis. he has never even given her tylenol - let alone any of her other medication. Since we moved out he hasnt even asked about her medication one time. But he randomly showed up at one of her appointments this week - the doctor called his house to confirm appointment - so he just showed up. I am certain it was only to build his case and show the court how he is so involved in her care. Even though, out of about 100 appointments in the past 2 years, he has gone to maybe 10. My husband makes 6 figures and I quit my 15 year government job once I became pregnant (as a result of his persisting he can pay for everything and I didnt need to work). Due to my daughters illness she is extremely immune compromised and can get very sick very fast and a common cold can turn into a life threatening issue. She cannot go to daycare due to this. Of course the only control my ex has over me now is with money and using our daughter. he is trying to ask the court to force me back to work so he can save a few bucks on spousal support. (we were only married 3 years). I live in CA and typically, the court will order support for half the duration of the marriage - but theres no black and white. He is asking for 50/50 - even though he has never even cared for her more than 8 hours and never overnight. I believe his motivation is either monetary (more visitation equals less support) or purely ego - he cant handle that I rejected him and am taking our daughter away. Even though he has visitation with her every other day (3 hrs/day on M,W,F and 8 hours on Sat). I am going to ask the court to give him one overnight 3 out of 4 weekends and then he can see her one evening during the week. My question to the group is - how can I convey to the mediator and the judge how her health condition requires MY care and that he simply isnt capable of caring for her - without making myself sound overly controlling. I dont want to be overly dramatic, but I need them to understand how serious this is.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Nov 2014 19:13:12 +0000
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