HE CHEATED ON YOU? Fidelity is an important step in nurturing and strengthening any healthy marital relationship. This is why many women consider unfaithfulness of the husband as the worst situation in a marital life and it can be devastating for the wife whether he confesses his guilt or has hidden it from her. Here are ways to cope with the situation and take the right decision. Do not think or talk about divorce immediately The first instinct would definitely be to file for a divorce, especially if you have been very faithful and has not hurt him in any possible way. But, you must take time to think what is best for you and the family and whether there is a way you can save the marriage. This is important when kids are involved. Take your time to think and assess whether you can still live with him and be polite and accommodating towards him if he is willing to change and has confessed the crime to you as a result of guilt. Feelings of guilt could mean that he has been unfaithful on an impulse and it has nothing to do with any feelings of dislike towards you. Divorce should only be the last resort when you have been wronged several times and there is no other way that you can save the marriage. Be open to forgiveness and give a chance Talk to your husband and let him reveal all the details to you. Sometimes, admitting all that he has done will let his guard off as he could have been suffering in silence all this time with pangs of guilt. Never reject his honesty and willingness to be frank with you. He is an honest husband and all human beings can make serious mistakes in their lives. Understand his mental makeup and desire to be forgiven and give him a chance. It helps when you are understanding and do not try to reproach or blame him for what he has done. It could be that mistakes are there on your part as well which made him stray. Assess your faults together and take a decision to get out of this and emerge as stronger individuals. Explain to him your feelings of hurt Never make the mistake of not letting him know how much he has hurt you with his actions. Tell him how hurt and sad you are and how much you have trusted and cared for him. The feeling of regret that you create in his mind must be deep enough to prevent him from repeating such actions again. It helps if you can hug him and cry until you feel good and relieved. Getting emotional together will strengthen your bond and help you grow stronger and bring maturity in your relationship. Coming face to face with your anger, sadness, hurt and fear could be too traumatic for him and will prevent him from committing such crimes again. This is the best way to make him feel sorry for his actions and make him feel extremely reproachful towards himself as you have been a good partner and have been gracious enough to forgive his unfaithfulness towards you. He would just realize how much you love him and want to save the marriage. Keep kids and relatives away Involving kids and relative in such circumstances is a sensitive issue as it can make the unfaithful partner look very bad. The damage in such cases cannot be reversed and relatives can always remain rude towards your husband after they have come to know about your infidelity. Try your best to keep your relatives and his relatives out of this. Kids must never be brought into the picture as the faith and respect that they have for their father will be destroyed completely and can never be regained again. It could be too difficult for kids and the father to handle this. If you are in agony, talk to a friend or a coworker who is close to you and can keep secrets. You may also think of talking to a relative who is close to you, maybe your mother who can help you get through the pain. Seek counselling Sometimes counselling is the best possible course to be taken when you have to deal with an unfaithful husband. Talking can lead to arguments, outburst, allegations and total discord and can lead to marital disharmony and separation. Seek the help and guidance of a marital counselor and address the issue with great seriousness and maturity. Make sure that you keep your options open and be willing to follow the advice of the counselor in such cases. Even if you decide to separate, seeking the help of a counselor will make matters smoother and easier to deal with. It will also help you deal with the heartache and pain with more maturity.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Jun 2013 15:06:38 +0000
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