Happiness is a by-product, not a goal: If we ask you what you want in life, how many of you will respond “I want to be happy”? The premise that ‘happiness’ is a worthy goal in life creates all kinds of psychological suffering because it leads to an endless cycle of pursuit and disappointment. It starts in a moment of unhappiness. We ruminate about what it is going to take fix this terrible feeling, and we identify some thing outside of self to pursue, in the misguided belief that if we get that thing we will be happy. A better job/body/outfit/car/house /life. Or we might be a little more enlightened about what we believe will bring us happiness, and embark on a path of ‘self-improvement’. Now, there is nothing wrong with seeking to be a better person, but self-improvement aiming towards ‘happiness’, can easily become destructive perfection seeking. When the immediate ‘high’ attached to personal development fades, we decide that our ‘improvement’ didn’t work and we escalate our efforts. We embark on another cycle of pursuit and disappointment. Just as fitness is a by-product of exercise, happiness is a by-product of loving action. If we aim for connection as our goal, loving action is the way to get there. If we learn how to legitimately connect, we will find ourselves having more moments of happiness as a by-product. In connection we might feel pain, because pain is inevitable in our life experience. We suffer in solitude, in the state of disconnection or isolation. Suffering, as haruki murakami said, is optional. The experience of connection transcends happiness, encompassing the whole spectrum of human emotion. Connection changes how we experience ourselves, others, and life, for the better.
Posted on: Sat, 25 Jan 2014 15:01:28 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015