Have you ever failed so badly that you felt you could never redeem your testimony? I began this on-going story, with the hope that it may help us to become more aware of the presence of Jesus in our daily lives. We pick up our story on a Monday morning, as Fran wakes to face another work week. Quite frankly, Fran is totally unmotivated on this particular day. She does not want to get up, so she waits until the last minute, then rushes herself and the kids with some heated words. It’s not a good start to her week. She had intended to spend some quiet time with Jesus this morning, but she missed it today. Well, that happens sometimes and Jesus will just have to understand, Fran thinks to herself. She tries to ignore that quiet inner voice of God’s Spirit, but Jesus won’t let her do that. So, as she drives to work, she begins to talk to the Lord. She has learned that she might as well talk with Jesus about what’s going on in her life and in her mind, since He knows it anyway. Lord, I’m just tired this morning, you know. Just tired,” she says. Then she remembers the argument she had on the phone last night with her mother. There were some pretty strong words between them, and Fran knows she needs to talk to the Lord about it. But the last thing she wants to think about is the fight she had with her mother. She tries to cover up: Well, we just don’t see eye-to-eye on everything and sometimes Mom tries to tell me what to do. I’m a grown woman and I don’t like to be told what to do, but even as she says the words, she hears the rebellion in her voice. Remembering the conversation, Fran knows she did not treat her mother with the respect she deserves. She squirms a little as she weaves in and out through traffic, trying to be preoccupied with her driving and ignore the Holy Spirit’s voice. But He won’t let her do that. Okay, okay, Jesus, I’ll call her today and apologize. It’s my fault; it’s always my fault! she responds in frustration and self-pity. But with that attitude, what good will an apology do? Have you noticed when your day starts in a rush and you’re in a bad mood, things seem to go downhill from there? Fran walks into her office and slams her briefcase on her desk, She’s just not in a good mood. She begins to think about what she said to her mother last evening. You know, Lord, I didn’t mean to be disrespectful to her, but she keeps giving me advice when I don’t ask for it, Fran finds herself opening up to Jesus. But she has to admit that she just didn’t like the advice her mother gave her. Tears start to trickle down Fran’s face. Well, I’ve just been so lonely since Jim died, and this guy I met a couple of weeks ago—Bob—he’s been real nice to me. But my mother doesn’t think I should see him. It’s really none of her business, you know, Fran says to Jesus looking for some sympathy. But the Spirit of God reminds her that Fran is indeed her mother’s “business.” She has been there for Fran time and again, especially since Jim died, and she has earned her right to offer some advice. Trying to defend herself, Fran says to the Lord, Well, Mom thinks it’s a mistake to go out with Bob because he doesn’t go to church or anything. But… Fran’s voice trails off. She hears what she has just said, and her heart is convicted. Her mother doesn’t want her seeing a man who is not a Christian; and Fran has spent three evenings with this man and still hasn’t asked if he’s a believer or not. She did invite him to go to church with her sometime, but it was a weak attempt on her part. As she thinks about all this, she can hear what her mother said to her last evening: Fran, how long will you expose yourself to the possibility of falling for a man before you find out if you share a common faith? Do you recognize the dangers involved here? Fran is struggling for an answer, when the phone rings. Good morning, this is Fran, can I help you? comes her standard greeting. But as she listens, what she hears doesn’t please her. What do you mean, you’re not going to make that deadline? Al, I’ve made a commitment to the client. This is the second time in a week you’ve blown a deadline for me. You know, I worked like crazy to get this business, and then you guys are going to lose it for me. . Yeah, well, you haven’t heard the last on this one, Al, and she slams the phone down. As she does, she is immediately convicted about her angry words. But again, instead of confessing her sin and asking forgiveness, she tries to justify it. Listen, Lord, you can’t pussyfoot around and be effective in this business. It’s my job to see that my clients are served well, and I was just doing my job, Fran says defensively. She opens her briefcase, and laying on top is her Bible, which she carries with her each day. As soon as she sees it, she is overcome with regret. Oh, Lord, I can’t believe it. Listen to me. All I’ve done is hurt people with words lately. We were studying James in church yesterday and I was convicted because I know how out of control my tongue has been! Fran sits at her desk with her head in her hands. I’ve blown it so much lately. I’ve had angry words for the children as well as my mother.” Then she remembers the way she treated Karen at church yesterday, when she asked Fran to help Friday night. Her unkind words come flooding back into her mind. But again, in defensiveness, she says, Well, Karen always asks me, like there’s nobody else that can do anything. I told her I’ve got a busy week this week, Fran defends herself, knowing how lame it sounds. But Fran knows that the real reason was because she wants to keep Friday evening open in case a better option comes along, like this man she’s been dating. I’m sorry, Lord, Fran gets up to close her door, as the tears start to come. I’m really sorry. I’ve been rotten lately. I haven’t spent any time with you, and I am angry at everyone. Oh, I wish I could just fall into a hole somewhere. I’m really ashamed of myself. Will you please forgive me? And then she says, You always forgive me so readily. Thank you.” As Fran thinks about the last couple of weeks and all her angry outbursts, she recognizes what caused them and when they began. She thinks to herself, They began a couple of weeks ago, about the time I started seeing Bob… The truth comes out slowly and painfully for Fran. He’s not a Christian; I know that, and yet he’s very sophisticated and successful. I guess I was just flattered at his attention and it felt good to be treated so nicely.” Fran thinks about how wide-reaching disobedience is in her life. She realizes that when she disobeys the Lord in any area, it affects everything else. She thinks about what this one area of disobedience has done, even in two short weeks. Her fellowship with the Lord has been broken, and she has hurt quite a few people as well. “And you know what, Lord,” Fran says, “the thing is, although I was doing what I wanted to do, I was pretty miserable on the inside. I was determined to do it, but it didn’t really bring me any happiness like I thought it would. Thinking over her failures of the past couple of weeks, Fran realizes that the enemy of her soul has lied to her, as he always does, and made her believe that by doing it her way she would be happy, but obeying the Lord would make her miserable. “He handed me one of his lies, and I fell for it,” Fran says out loud. Lord, I know you have forgiven me, but how do I undo all this damage I’ve done to others? Fran asks with alarm. I mean, the way I talked to Al just now—and just last week I was sharing something about the Lord with him. He’ll never listen to me again. I’ve ruined my testimony. Fran realizes she owes apologies to her mom, to her kids, and to Al. She calls her mom right away and asks for forgiveness. As she puts down the phone, it feels like one mountain has been taken off of her shoulder. Fran thanks Jesus for His help and forgiveness, and then her phone rings again. Fran answers and discovers Bob is on the other end. Oh, hi Bob. Yeah, kinda busy; what’s up? she asks, feeling a little nervous. Friday night? No I’m afraid I can’t make it Friday night, Bob. I already have a commitment at church. She tries to explain to Bob that continuing their relationship is not a good idea. As she hangs up the phone, she says to Jesus, He didn’t understand; that was a little awkward, but at least it’s over. Well, now I must go down to Al’s office to apologize.” As she arrives, he looks up and says, Look, Fran, I’m doing the best I can do. Don’t start buggin’ me again; we’re gonna’ work overtime tonight… Fran interrupts him. Al, please, I didn’t come to bug you, I came to apologize. I was way out of line talking to you like I did. I know they’ve cut back your headcount and you’re under tight budget restraints. It’s not your fault. I just took my frustrations out on you. I’m really sorry, Al. Al’s mouth is hanging open. He invites Fran to take a seat. Well, at least you apologized. Everyone else is jumping down my throat, but you’re the only one to apologize. Thanks, Fran. Well, I was wrong. Frankly, it was Jesus that caused me to see how badly I behaved, and it’s because of Him that I came to apologize. One of the great things about being a Christian is that when we blow it badly, as I did with you, Jesus forgives us when we ask, and then helps us to recover, Fran tries to explain it to Al. Well, whatever, I appreciate it. I will try to meet the deadline, Fran. I promise you, I’ll try, he says. That’s all I ask. Keep me informed and I’ll stay in touch with the client, Fran smiles at Al as she gets up to leave. You’re different, Fran, even when you yell at me, Al says with a grin on his face. As she walks back to her office, Fran says, Jesus, you even use failure to bring glory to your name, don’t you? There you’ve gone and turned my ashes into beauty again. Thank you, Lord. That’s God’s specialty, you know, taking brokenness and failure and turning it around. Failure is not the end of the road; it can become a new beginning, as we learn and grow from the failures of our past.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 21:37:33 +0000
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