Heres the thing: As a (clinically diagnosed) Depressed person, I never know when its my Depression that stops me from moving forward, or keeps me in my chair or bed, makes me cry at almost nothing, asocial, not finish stuff, sad to be alone--yet--not quite happy with friends, spend too much, save everything, want everything, tired all the time, impulsive... I dont know what the norm is on any of those things. I dont understand the scale. I have to believe that it is normal, (or somewhere within the norm) to be lonely, sad, tired, unmotivated... But, where? Who decided that everyone needs to be laughing all the time? Who decided that we always need to be on, or that we cant meander between projects, dropping the ones we dont care about. Who decided we shouldnt cry when we are sad and be sad when we are alone? Why is it not okay to sleep an extra four hours some weeks of the month, compared to other weeks? I think (often) that people who seem like they have it all together are faking that ideal well. They are much deeper than they seem. I think that the depressed people are the ones who got tired of faking being happy with those kinds of ideals and are simply being real. Nobody truly understands whats going on inside your mind, inside your heart. People who wear their heart on their sleeve tend to look emotional, flakey, high-maintenance, needy... Well, damn-it, I AM emotional. We all have emotions. They arent always happy birds and rainbows, smiles and sunshine. Why cant that be okay? For the record, I love my life; I love my family; I adore my pets and my projects and my memories and hopes for the future. Im just not happy right now. Im not un-happy. Im just sort of ahappy. Can I just be that for a while? Even if others dont get it, dont like it, or want me to cheer up, for their feels to be more comfortable? I promise, Im not blaming anyone for being ahappy. Okay?
Posted on: Thu, 09 Oct 2014 23:45:32 +0000
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