I am feeling so frustrated. My daughter, Peyton ended up with a concussion and my lovely ex-husband did not bother to inform me. My daughter told me last night. Grumble. Grumble. Very interchangeable words there. I so dont understand. You are supposed to forgive and pray for these people. Not an easy task. Round 3,000 on doing this and hoping it will work. In the last 7 years of this mess I have hit my knees and prayed so long and often. Hoping it will release the pain and anger. Man it has been hard but I will keep getting on my knees and offering this to God. Okay my friends, I have a question? You all know I am divorced and maybe didnt know it was very messy and has continued for the last 7 years. How do you forgive a man who you sent to Dental School and helped continually build his business and gave him two wonderful children? More explanation. The man cheated on me for over a year, abused me, and made me feel at fault. Took everything from me. The most important one is my children. He made it seem like it was my fault he cheated and my fault I suffered so much abuse. He got a town that I also lived in for a long time as well to believe it was my fault and I deserve what has happened. I dont deserve it. I never cheated or ever not loved my children. What I got was a loss of my children, my life, and my self respect. I became the town pyria. I lost everything and had nothing. My ex-husband constantly put road blocks in between me and the kids. I was homeless for almost 6 months and lived in my car or with a few wonderful friends. Since I was unable to obtain a job in my field temporarily. I worked in a near by town as a waitress while I continued to save and obtain a job in my field. This made it hard to see my children. Let alone talk with them. He keep doing anything he could to keep me from the kids and a real job to support myself and my children. Living in abuse it so hard. It does so much to destroy everything you feel and believed about yourself. It makes it that much harder to build yourself back up. I have continually been working to build myself back up. This is not easy or for the faint of hearts. But, I do it everyday for the last 7 years by getting on my knees and praying for all my resentments and hurts. It does help. God listens. But, there is a part I left out. I have a Mental Illness and issues attached to that. On top of that many of you know I have Physical Illnesses. I have always had some of these issues and knew how to hide them. Later in life I got to a point that I didnt want to live in secrets. I told and trusted my ex-husband. Who I believed and trusted understood before we got married. Well, I was so wrong and my life was ripped apart by myself and his ways to abuse me and bring out a side of me that scares me. I allowed it. Not because I have a Mental Illness and I thought this was my reason. My shame. But, it wasnt that. It was my fear of what happened. Losing my children and my self respect. I allowed someone to make me feel less than I am. I gave up my power. I was more ashamed then I ever was in my life. Believe me when I say I have done bad things prior and was so ashamed. But, nothing like this. You have a brief history or what I am dealing with. There is so much more. Mental Illness is like the death card and is used against me. I cant run from it. It doesnt and will never go away. My ex-husband knows this and uses it against me like a shock collar. I get out of his line of control and he shocks me with using a Stigma of uneducated bull. My question is, how do you pray for forgiveness for this person when you know he will continue to shock?
Posted on: Thu, 21 Nov 2013 15:45:18 +0000
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