I come from a family that loves puns & family gatherings usually turn into fun & friendly one-ups-man-ship contests. Dad was often the instigator in this fun. I always think of Dad while accumulating (or making up) puns. Here are a few I love: Did you know that Abe Lincoln was found not guilty. Actually, he was declared..... in a cent. I met a woman on-line who was sure she knew from a vegan club meeting, but, I swear that I never met herbivore. A local pastor who thinks the world is going to be flooded again asked me to build an ark. I told him I couldnt, but I do Noah guy. I could never be a vegetarian. It would be a big missed steak. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for public littering. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown Apart. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Atheists United is a non-prophet organization. A hat and a tie were hanging on a rack in the closet. The hat said to the tie, “You hang around; I’ll go on a head.” I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.” The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. A backward poet writes inverse. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.” Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!” Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.” Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. ;-)
Posted on: Fri, 21 Mar 2014 18:53:14 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015