I guess this is a post Id been thinking about making for a while. Mostly because, the content is whats been on my mind lately. When I look back at how high school has been for me I think of two different experiences. I get to reflect back on Cleveland, and I get to have some pride in going to Amy Biehl. I started out high school with people who Id grown up with. With people whose names I had known for years. With people who lived in the same general area as me, and who also knew the same people as me. And sometimes, that was comforting (others, not so much - but this post isnt about bitterness, its about recollection). I had classes with people that I loved, Anna, Alexander, and Mikaela to name a few. That was great. But to avoid thinking about the reason why I left would be to leave out something that made me who I am. Which sounds cheesy and cliche but maybe sometimes its okay to be those things. At Cleveland, though there were a lot who I loved, there were a lot of people who didnt like me no matter if they knew my name or not. The times between friends, when I was alone, were some of the worst experiences of my life. Not to bash on the school, but I think if everything had been handled better I wouldnt have been so quick to leave. The transition to Amy Biehl was a hard change for me nevertheless. Because of the emotional damage that happened at Cleveland, it was really difficult for me to talk to anyone at Amy Biehl. I just wanted to get in, do my work, get out and graduate at that point. The first couple of weeks I regretted my decision a lot. I sat with my sister and her friends. I didnt have any of my own. I didnt want to, or like to talk to anyone. It was all silence for me. I wanted it to be silence, and I wanted it to stay that way. But of course, thats not how things usually go. It wasnt until halfway through my second quarter that I started to feel even a bit more comfortable. Even though my battles with past experiences and the ever-going course of depression and anxiety made it hard to see at the time. It wasnt until I had gone back to Cleveland and visited and sat in class with my friends that I realized how necessary it had been for me to leave. It wasnt that my friends didnt need me anymore - or vice versa; its that I needed to be able to leave in order to be comfortable with myself again. Now, there are only a couple of kids at school that I can say make me uncomfortable. Which is a heck of a lot less than Cleveland. Though its still a work in progress, I can honestly say that even though Amy Biehl is hard, and sometimes frustrating; Im happy I switched. Im happy that I got to really figure out my passions: writing, art, positive psychology, and cinematography and put them into my senior project. Im happy that I get to go to a school that teaches so in depth. But at the same time, Im happy to say that Ill be leaving Amy Biehl, that Ill graduate and that I can find a new place, and way to figure out how to be comfortable all over again.
Posted on: Tue, 26 Nov 2013 02:42:10 +0000
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