I hate to admit how hard Im dealing with this latest heartache, but I need to talk about it a bit, so please, bear with me. I was blindsided, probably because I loved and cared too much, but I feel like she gave me reason to feel that way towards her. She was the one that found me, and she is a great person, so liking her back came naturally and every second with her truly felt perfect. And she was just here not too long ago. In my arms. I was just kissing her not just a few weeks ago. And then something changed and I dont even know or care what the source was. It just hurts. I dont know if I wasnt enough for her, or if the distance was too much, or if I did something repulsive at some point, but the problem was I didnt really get to talk to her about it, so it blindsided me even more. But trust me when I say that it was a very real bond that, at least in my eyes, was one of those once in a lifetime-type connections. And as much as Im hurt, I hope I get to be a part of her life at some point again in the future. Right now Im hurt and Im angrier than I ever want to be, but Im trying to heal and I just dont understand why beautiful things have to end before they should. I know Im not the only one who has had this happen to him, but I think this sort of thing hits me harder, because when Im into someone, I invest a lot in it and I always think that it will work out. Im crushed that it didnt, but just like last year, with the passing of She, its not that I dont think I can find someone else. I just worry that I wont be able to find anyone that felt that special to me and I really didnt want to look for anyone else. I was happy seeing things through with her, even if the timing and the overall situation didnt always point to our relationship, or whatever it was, surviving. Thanks for everything, C. I really did think the world of you and I guess in many ways I still do. I apologize for responding in childish ways at any point during this healing process, but its coming from a place of real hurt and deep loss, so while I know that doesnt necessarily excuse anything I may have said, I hope it will help you understand where Im coming from. I dont even know if youll read this, but I think Ive said enough things to you in the past to make it abundantly clear just how much you meant to me. Thanks for the good memories I will always have. I hope you are left with some good ones yourself.
Posted on: Thu, 17 Jul 2014 11:24:35 +0000