I have a scar on my chest. Its ugly. Its the scar from my chemotherapy port that was inserted under my skin almost two year ago. The surgery to have the port placed was more terrifying to me than the major colectomy surgery I had experienced just a few weeks before. The incision just did not heal properly. It didnt help that the incision got poked with a needle every other week for six months so the poison the doctors wanted to use to kill the possible cancer in my body could be delivered through my jugular vein. The scar became lifted and swollen. Its not pretty. It itches and hurts at times. Even now, a year since the removal of the port, it bugs me. My oncologist suggested getting injections or surgery (no way) to help. I decided no. I will keep it. This scar is a reminder to me of Gods faithfulness. It helps me remember how He held my hand the entire time I suffered. So many miracles. So many displays of His goodness. How he gave me the best surgeon at the hospital. I didnt ask for her. She was assigned. She ended up leaving the practice only four weeks after my surgery. How He sent me nurses that loved the Lord. They were so kind and gentle. Nurses are the hands and feet of God. I am sure they prayed for me. How God gave me the grace to be able to work and not get sick during chemo. My oncologist freaked out that I was teaching small children. They could be deadly to a chemo patient because of possible infections from all the germs. She did not want me to teach Kindergarten at all. I did not get a cold or even a sniffle. God protected me. How God would not allow me to give up. I thought I would take a break from the worship team and working with the youth. Not only did he have me continue on the worship team and work with the youth, He required me to seek Him even more through a School of Ministry boot camp. I am not saying it was easy. It wasnt, but God was with me. He gave me the grace to be able to endure the trial. He used it to refine me and to draw me closer to Him. He started reshaping my heart to look more like His. Here I am. Almost two years years later when I got that news. That terrifying diagnosis of cancer. Here I am with a scar on my chest that is itchy and achy at times. It is a reminder of His faithfulness and love. As I grow stronger with each passing day, I appreciate all He has given me. I dont take anyone or anything for granted. I leave you with these words of encouragement that were given to me by my husband when I was having a really hard day. Ill never forget that day. I was exhausted. I was in tears because I was completely depleted of all energy. It took every ounce of energy just to sit. I didnt know if I could go on. My husband checked on me and asked what was wrong. I told him. He didnt say a word. I heard him leave the house. I cried even more, not understanding how my husband didnt even console me and could leave me there in my condition. He returned about thirty minutes later with a small gift bag from a jewelry store. He handed it to me without saying a word. I opened the box and slipped the charm out of the yellow cloth bag. It read, Fear thou not; for I am with thee. Indeed, my Father was with me the entire time. He still is and I trust Him, scars and all.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 14:38:06 +0000