I have always struggled in the past with prayer and approaching God, because I had a mixed image in my mind of Him as part love and part anger/disappointment. I felt that if I acted right, thought right, believed right (even believed in grace right!), that He was nice and open to me, but that if I messed up, doubted, or even if I forgot grace, started living by performance, or judged people, that He withdrew in disappointment or closed Himself off from me. But He has really been changing my mind lately, showing me He is not two ways - love sometimes and law sometimes - but that He is ONE, our God is ONE - He is whole, He is pure, He is ONLY love, nothing but love, with no mixture of law, demand, anger, or disappointment! He is only grace (unconditional love, free acceptance) and not half love-based-acceptance and half performance-based-acceptance! Our God is ALL love! Therefore, He wont ever reject us or withdraw in disappointment! He is ALL grace! Therefore, He wont ever see or judge us by performance! He will never fail to love us, to grace us, to accept us, to be open toward us, to be faithful and committed to us, to embrace us, to keep us! He is not a God divided up into pieces of some love, some grace, some law, some anger, some punishment, etc. He is a unity, He is one, He is whole, and it is the wholeness and completeness of complete and whole and perfect LOVE! Thus, I really can let go and trust Him, I really can dare to feel safe in His presence, I really can rest in His arms! This love will take me no matter what crappy thing I do, this love will hold onto me even if I forget grace and start living dumbly by law again, this love will just keep loving and accepting and holding me no matter what and will never let me go! I just cant get over that love..I feel He is opening my eyes to see His love is so much more than I ever imagined..it is a love that is committed to me no matter what...so I cannot make it go away, no matter what I do, say, think or believe..what a relief!
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 13:45:02 +0000
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