I just now realized I never really gave my full story to all of you lovely people. So, I decided to. Because why get advice from someone if you dont know what they went through. (WARNING: LONG. PROBABLY TOO LONG) Well, my childhood wasnt too extraordinary. My mother had me when she was 17 and my biological father was 23. Even though that relationship was legal and they loved each other, he had these addictions that my mother didnt want around a baby. So she broke it off with him when I was eight months old. When I was one, she met my step-dad, who I call dad, and since then, they raised me together, completely acting like my biological father never even existed. Dad had this terrible anger problem (much like what I rant about every so often). One time, he threw a vacuum at the living room wall during an argument with my mom and it scared me. But, I thought that was normal. Eventually, my two little siblings were born, and we were a nice little family. When I was seven, I started attending this very religious private school Dad went to. And immediately, I was in trouble. All of the kids didnt like me. I dont know why, they just didnt. They wouldnt let me play with them during recess and often called me a show off because I sang cute little hymns like Jesus Loves Me when I sat by myself during recess. The whole academic process I had a problem with as well. I didnt like how I was taught the same thing over and over, year by year. I wanted to learn other perspectives as far of religious beliefs went (Judaism, Atheism, Etc.) But all theyd tell me was they didnt believe in God and/or Christ so theyre evil. (Yes, thats the word they used). It was then I realized I was different. By the time I was nine, I had enough of everything. My grades began to suffer, my parents each went to rehab for their issues with no success, everything I liked before I really didnt care much for. Again, I thought this was normal. I did however, love reading and writing. I wrote my first full length novel when I was five, and I was so incredibly gifted at reading, that I read and did a report on Little Women when I was ten. When I was in fifth grade, Ive written more than fifty novels, sixteen poems and two plays. All centered around some sort of sadness. But, that was when the bullying became unbearable. At that time, I made a horrible mistake of cutting all of my hair off and there was a rumor going around about me that claimed that I was born a boy named Alexander who was so ugly he decided to turn into an even uglier girl. (I laugh about this now because I realize how ridiculous and hilarious this is.) It really hurt. That was when I reported it to my parents, who told the principal and school pastor who, believe it or not, did nothing. They just said it was my problem and I needed to solve it myself. (Not the best thing to say to an eleven year old girl) I also told my mother about my feelings of being sad all the time, and she took me to see a doctor, who claimed I was in a very severe state of depression that was so severe, I probably had it since I was 10 or 9. That broke my mothers heart, and I had no idea what they were talking about. Well, they took me out of that school and into a public school for sixth grade. I was so happy. There were people of different races, religions, backgrounds, and I loved it. It was something I wasnt really familiar with. But, sixth grade was my rebellious year. I didnt do my homework, I talked during class, I just thought I was the most awesome kid in the world even though I was a pathetic twelve year old. It was during the end if that year, that I decided I was an agnostic. I couldnt tell my family, though. My super religious family. Theyd disown me! So I just started bottling up all of my secrets and pretended to be everything they wanted me to be. I just hated lying. Im not a liar. But I had to be to make them happy. Due to my behavior at the public school, my parents deemed it necessary to put me back at that religious school. I hated it. I didnt believe a single thing I was taught. Somehow, a classmate found out about my doubts of religion and decided to write a note to me saying, Why dont you go back to worshipping Satan? Which looking back is really pathetic. My dad found out by reading my diary and he lost everything. He called my mother at work, claiming we had a family emergency and grounded me for about five months. He and I yelled a lot last year in seventh grade. He almost kicked me out three times due to my differing opinions, threw things and cursed at me every night. And manipulated my little siblings into thinking I was evil because I dont believe in a spiritual god. My mother tried defending me, but he would yell at her back. I was really depressed. Like , really depressed. I thought I was nothing. I just wished I was what my parents wanted me to be. My life wouldve been so much easier. Then, one day in February of 2014, I decided to not let his abuse bother me anymore. I would ignore him every time hed yell at me for something stupid, and I started building a wall. I talked to my friends a lot more and I tried my best to stop thinking negative and think positive. I was nice to my classmates bullies to throw them off, and I became a nicer person. And, in August, it worked. I was depression free. And while dad still bullies me from time to time, I dont care. Because Im happy. I have made new friends since then (especially on here), friends who will be here for me when I fall. I have talents and an amazing mother, a great biological father, and so many opportunities to help others. Its because of all of this I am able to help others. Sorry this was too long. Just felt the need to post this so you could know me better. If you ever want to vent, you can always message the page and ask for me
Posted on: Wed, 15 Oct 2014 04:08:15 +0000
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