I laid in bed for most of the day, crying and hurting. I decided to read my patriarchal blessing that I received almost two decades ago. I scoured it, word for word, desperately searching for something that would ease my pain. I must have read it five times. I found something that I had never noticed before, and although it wasnt what I thought I needed today, my mind was filled with a millisecond of perspective. It was fleeting, but it happened. Because of the highly personal nature of the blessing, I dont want to share it word for word. But it spells out that I have been blessed with eloquence of speech, both written and spoken, and that through it I will be able to reach people and they will come to know God through me. In another part later on, it says that through my experiences in life, many will benefit from the abilities I posses. Many will come to me for aid and understanding and I will need to be willing to render both to them. At the tender age of seventeen, I took every word for granted. I could never fathom that I would go through something as horrific and tragic as this, but I truly believe that God knew it. And He knew that good would come from it if I was willing to allow Him to work through me. It doesnt take away the sleepless nights and the ache that penetrates every molecule of my body. It doesnt make my tears stop. It doesnt keep me from wanting to break things. It doesnt make me NOT miss him so much that I feel suffocated with grief. But right now, in this moment, I have a glimpse of the bigger picture. And I think its more spectacular than mortal eyes could ever behold.
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 04:30:26 +0000
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