I missed announcing the five year anniversary of my first blog (April 27) because I took the week offline to celebrate finishing writing my next book The Fear Cure, which I completed on my 45th birthday (April 24.) And now, after a phenomenal birth week celebrated every day with loving friends and family in beautiful places, I am feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude that I can barely contain the enormity of my appreciation. Its so interesting to notice how I can almost not receive it. After all the personal and spiritual growth work Ive done, some small part of me still doesnt feel worthy of all the personal and professional blessings that have been bestowed upon me, especially this past week. It feels like Ive hit a glass ceiling of blessings, as if theres a part of me thats simply too small to receive the expansiveness of the blessings. I notice the chatter of my small self in response to the enormity of the blessings, saying things like: 1. Youre not worthy of all this 2. Just wait- its all a house of cards and the other shoe will drop soon (yes, Im mixing my metaphors!) 3. Theyre all going to figure out what a fraud you are anyway As the chatter erupted, I stopped myself. NO! These are lies. Lies lies lies. Its my fearful self trying to sabotage me. But my Inner Pilot Light knows better. I am worthy of a multitude of blessings, just as you are, because I have within me a spark of divinity that makes me inherently worthy, as do you. My Inner Pilot Light knows that I just need to bench press my receiving muscles. I dont want to resist blessings in life. I want to open my arms, receive them, allow them in, internalize them, and then fill myself so that I may be a blessing and bless it forward. Thats when I realized I needed to share this message with all of YOU. Do you do this too? Do you limit how much grace you can receive? Do you limit your capacity to be loved? Do you make yourself too small to hold abundance?Do you shut down joy? When I look back on where I was five years ago- professionally, personally, spiritually- I barely recognize myself. I had quit my job as a doctor and had no idea what, if anything, I would do with my medical career. I had written a memoir that 30 publishers turned down, but I was committed to becoming a professional writer. I was $200,000 in debt after selling my house and liquidating my retirement account. I had a baby girl and a husband who was a stay home father, both of whom depended on me to pay the bills. I had an art career that was in the toilet because the market crashed and my once thriving art business had dried up. And I had no plan for turning things around. My agent offered one little suggestion. Sweetheart, you have to write a blog. I had no idea what a blog was. I barely had an email account. I had never read a blog in my life, and when she sent me some sample blogs, I thought the idea of blogging sounded like the most ludicrous thing I had ever heard. Why would you write private things on the internet? Why would anyone else care? How would you get paid? Who would pay attention? What did that have to do with writing books? My first blog was called 17 Reasons Not To Freak Out About Swine Flu & How To Avoid It. It was at the height of the swine flu panic, and it went viral...the rest of how I wound up here five years later is a great mystery to me. I believe we all have a path like that. Its like a current thats just waiting for us to jump into it. It often requires a leap of faith because you have no guarantees about where the current will take you, and its often taking you somewhere different than you planned. But if you trust the Divine and let yourself get led, if you get your ego out of the drivers seat and allow yourself to be in service to Something Bigger Than Yourself, if you set goals but release attachment to outcomes, if you TRUST, somehow, you wind up five years later, bench pressing your receiving muscles, looking back in awe, pinching yourself, and saying, with a heart full of gratitude, Thank you. And so I say to you THANK YOU. Without you, I wouldnt be here. Thank you for caring what I write about and helping me serve out my lifes purpose. I feel incredibly blessed, and I couldnt have done it without YOU.
Posted on: Wed, 30 Apr 2014 19:08:21 +0000
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