I see a lot of these posts that help us put ourselves in anothers shoes. Ive never seen one before about chronic pain so I wanted to share. Not in a be sad for me way--but in a holy shit I know a strong beast! kinda way. Yeah--the unpretty truth about my life with Lupus is that I am in a shit ton of pain all the time--all, always, never not. I have no idea what it feels like to not feel anymore. But I am a beast b/c of the 13yrs Ive spent like this. I can go to the grocery store with dislocated bones. I can have a muscle spasm so severe I lose my ability to talk, get 4 injections, & then go to Starbucks before taking my little brother to his baseball game. I feel it. It doesnt mean I feel it less. Im like a precisely trained ninja. Chronic pain is a weird concept & it is devilish & it is always challenging you & pushing you to your limit. The drive is strong in this one b/c I have battled pain for all these years. Pain can make you mean, but one of my proudest accomplishments is when Im in god awful pain & I want to scream swear words I instead practice being loving & considerate of the people around me that, in my earlier years, I may have snapped at or been short with or critical of. It is easy to be kind when its easy to be kind. It feels like real, true growth though to be loving when you think you have nothing left in you to give. And if I keep working, I hope in 13 more years I look back at today & think I knew nothing compared to what I know now. I hope I am an even more highly trained ninja. Our bodies are just our vehicle--a tool. Our soul is what lives forever. I want to be more soul, less body. Always.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 18:00:28 +0000
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