I sent my wife a text out of the blue asking her to the movies. By now youve heard our story and how that first date started it all but what was happening on my end? I was feeling very much out of place where I was in my apartment. Buying groceries alone and cooking alone when the kids were with me. The fun had worn off and all that was left was funk. I felt so compelled to get out of the mess I had made I abruptly went to our old church and confessed my sins and asked how to get back home. I was instructed to date my wife and cut off all ties to the other person. I did one of them. My wife was chatty Kathy as usual that night. Talking, making jokes, changing the radio, pointing out landmarks. It felt like old times shell tell you and it did but I was also agitated. There was this thing holding me back from completely being myself. I was a little reserved. A little quiet at times. The OP was texting me quite often. I had lied and said I was with my kids but I think she suspected something. I had been pulling back a bit. Not quite as talkative with her either. Reserved. Quieter. During the movie I stayed in my chair. Hands on my knees eyes straight forward. That is never how we are in movies. My wife is practically in my lap but I was keeping a distance and created space. She didnt seem phased by it and would nudge me when something funny or ironic happened. After the movie we were walking out and the OP text me. She had been texting me throughout the movie so I took a few steps back so I could respond leaving my wife to walk ahead alone. She never asked what was I doing and who was I texting. I was relieved. We left and had an after movie drink. The place was closing. I made a reference about her never seeing the inside of my apartment. She didnt respond. On the way to drop her off back the same place I had abandoned, a place we would often go to with friends was still open. I asked would she like to hang out some more. She said yes and we stopped inside. I asked her about seeing my apartment again and she said OK. It felt weird pulling up to my apartment with my wife. It didnt feel right. It felt even more awkward showing her around. A few tokens I had brought back from my out of country trip to visit the OP was on display. I had totally forgotten about them and expected a blow up when she saw them. She said nothing. I thought OK so far so good! We sat on the couch and I couldnt help but to ask her something I had been wondering. Where would you put all this stuff back at the house? I had bought furniture and dishes and towels and beds. All of it wouldnt fit in the house and I used that as an excuse why I couldnt go back home. My wife will tell you she knew then I was thinking of coming home and I had been. I just didnt know how to ask. How to say Im sorry. How to explain what was totally unexplainable and unforgivable in my eyes. I didnt know how to do any of that then. I was too overwhelmed with confusion, guilt, regret on many levels not to mention I was still battling pride. I had to maintain some form of protection so I couldnt lay everything out at once. Not then. Not at one time. I kissed my wife and it led to the bedroom. It had only been a few months since we were last together but it was like we were new again. I dropped my wife off back at home. She was floating. She said I feel like a teenager. I looked at my wife and she looked like a teenager. She was glowing and I thought to myself, I need to be here. With this woman. In this house. But I didnt say it. I just kissed her forehead and said I missed her. Driving the short distance back to my apartment was mixed with emotions. I knew I had to get home but I didnt know how to untangle myself from the OP. I felt tremendous guilt. I didnt want her. I wanted my family back but I did feel guilt. I knew she had feelings for me. I knew she was making plans to move nearby. I was about to throw her plans into chaos. That weighed heavily. Still, I knew where I was going to end up. Right where I am now. Right where I belong. Where I never should have left. My husband former prodigal
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 22:23:23 +0000
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