I was recently asked what my most embarrassing moment was. After typing it out, I realized this story although incredibly embarrassing at the time, makes one hell of a funny short story. So against my better judgement, here it is. Disclaimer: I chose to use some pretty vivid imagery and language, because... well there was really no better way to explain it. Hope you get a good laugh at my expense... One of my earliest memories is of a vacation I took with my family to Florida. This is the first time I can remember seeing the ocean. My mother was a principal of an elementary school and borrowed the video camera, which at that time was state of the art VHS. I remember bringing it to the beach. We were so excited to have it. Anyways, while my mother lathered me up with suntan lotion, my father explained to me that sand can sometimes get in your shorts causing an itching sensation and that if this happened all I needed to do was get out and rinse off at the shower real quick, then back to the water. So as Im playing in the water, just like my father warned an overwhelming itching sensation started in my shorts. As instructed I started my way back to parents to escort my to the shower, while scratching my junk feverishly. This gets kinda graphic so feel free to stop reading at any time.... I knew you wouldnt. So there is that spot on the beach where the smooth sand meets the regular sand, thats about as far as I made it before I hit my knees screaming at the top of my lungs. My mother, brother, father and numerous good hearted Americans came running to help. At this point Im on my back, as more and more people kept circling up around me, holding the champ and his two round assistants who were much larger than they had ever been before and were continuing to expand at a fast rate. My mother finally convinced me to let go while the crowds anticipation for the climax grew and grew and grew. Some how my shorts were removed. I dont remember how. All I remember was a multitude of gasps and glorious statements like God Damn! Sorry if that offends. You still reading? Thoughts so. Just dragging this out for my own entertainment. So... As you might have guessed a jelly fish had made its way into my shorts. Now you might have guessed that, but you cant imagine the battle field looked like. A roughly estimated 5 year old who looked like he got a sloppy but thorough blow job from a demon, and to add insult to injury, he wrapped his little arms around both cheeks. So here I am, balls deep in fiery inferno mixed with the feeling of a million shots going into all sides of my manhood in an infinite cycle. Thank the Lord some woman had something or another to help the pain, but in distress my mother acted fast and applied the lotion to the affected area. If that wasnt embarrassing enough, people kept running over to see from all sides of the beach, leaving with expressions that would top the 2 girls 1 cup phenomenon. I spent the majority of the next 24 or 48 hours in a bathtub, because guess what... being submersed in water was the only thing that could relieve the pain, adding insult to injury.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 22:00:29 +0000
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