I wonder if I fell in love against all odds because my internal clock told me it was time and therefore I could have fallen in love with anyone who sent me the signals. After picking apart our relationship and break up, I have found that I went against my most basic beliefs. I involved myself in a relationship that was absolutely the opposite of what I needed, who I was, and what I wanted. I allowed myself to love this person, but why? It was destructive from the start and destined to fail. I believe I have been suppressing the truth, which is I choose to be unhappy. This has been made clear by my most reckless, heart wrenching relationship with a person, who from the start showed all the signs of someone lacking the ability to truly fall in love. I dream of settling down with someone I love and who loves me. I dream of waking up next to the same person, someone I can trust, learn from, grow, and depend upon no matter what. I think I chose to love someone who was obviously not ready for any of that because deep down a piece of me fears that person. Its hard to tell if my last relationship helped me grow or stunted my growth and led me in a wrong direction. I intend to use this overall experiment to measure and learn more about positive and negative thoughts and retraining my brain.
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 04:26:58 +0000
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