If Im going to teach women how to be new generation feminine leaders, then whats most important to me is that I walk my talk and embody the work. So over the past 6+ months, I put the majority of my focus and energy into my own process of integration: healing the separation between the feminine and masculine within myself to lead my life in truth. 6 months were spent on healing the mother wound. What that has meant to me is looking at my separation from and rejection of the divine feminine through the beliefs I picked up from my mother and her lineage. From this work, I have gained a profound understanding and appreciation for my mother, a deeper connection with sisterhood, and a knowing of how powerful I am as a conduit of the divine. I have reclaimed my body and my soul. This intense work completed in Peru with two plant medicine ceremonies and reconnection with the sacred valley. As soon as I came back to San Diego on Tuesday, I felt this heavy energy weighing me down and it became clear: its time to heal the father wound for full integration. So what happened? Of course, the universe gave me exactly what I require for my healing and expansion: I pulled my back out yesterday on the right side (masculine). I was doing my clearing process, but all I could tap into was the numbness and then my back gave out. When I woke up this morning, I felt stuck both physically and emotionally. I trusted the process and have been so grateful at how today unfolded. The amazing Matt Ryan put me on his chiropractic/physical therapy table for an adjustment and literally cracked me open. I sobbed for 30 minutes as memories flashed before my eyes. Years of pain stored in my right hip and lower-middle back. I felt my dads pain as well (hes had back problems as long as I can remember and recently had both hips and one shoulder replaced). It felt like everything was revealing itself as I let go on that table -- my relationship with money, partnership, men, injuries, illness. The numbness was gone, the wound was ripped open, and the feelings overwhelmed me, so I did the only thing I could do: surrender into all of it. Whatever it takes to go through this part of the tunnel. Whatever it takes to be the full embodiment of my work. Im open. Im willing. Im here. Nothing else matters but this right here. And I share this because it is so precious, this moment in time when I am on the the last leg of this particular integration process (I know the journey doesnt end here, just a segment of it). I want to savor these moments because this is what it means to truly be alive. To feel all of it. To love myself so deeply for my courage and strength to rip the illusions out from the root and finally be free. Thank you sisters, for midwiving me as I birth myself: Anat Peri, Jessica Tomlinson, Monica Fraser, Aline Rozok, Elle Renee Angel, Jordanna Eyre, Rose Rohrer Mcpherren, Samantha Caplan, Camille Macres, Lauren Sheehan, Katie McCarthy, Christina Dunbar, Jodi Komitor.
Posted on: Mon, 10 Feb 2014 05:01:51 +0000
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