If my life were a book and each year had it’s own chapter, this year’s title would be Woman under Construction. I thought it had a nicer ring to it than “Unstable Girl is Figuring out How Not To Be a Raging Hot Mess”, but honestly, that’s a liiiiiittle more accurate. Real talk here: I do not like the person I have been. I am not proud of her and sometimes I wish I had the ability to send my hand back through time and give her forehead a nice little flick. She definitely could have used some wisdom in her morning lattes (one pump of vanilla flavored wisdom, please), BUT she is part of my story. If you were to read back through the archives of my blod, you can sort of see what I’m talking about. My writing reflects my heart and whether I wanted to share it or not, I couldn’t truly hide what was going on in there. Sometimes it was subtle, but you can understand some pretty deep things about me if you pay attention. My tone, where I focus my attention, how I spend my money, how ragey I can be, how easily hurt I can get over DUMB stuff… I’ve seriously been all over the place. (REALLY? OH WE DIDN’T NOTICE THAT, ISABELLA). Yeah, who, me?? All over the place!? This blog has sort of told my story through my heart’s voice and I’m kind of glad to have that documented, as unstable as it might have been. When you’re standing on a construction site, things appear to be in chaos. There are piles of debris everywhere, dust clouding the air and it’s annoyingly loud. Sometimes, it takes a really long time for the project to be complete because it has to be done right. For anyone who hasn’t seen the building plans, it’s hard to picture what the outcome is going to be, but for the person who has the plans laying on his desk? Ain’t no thang. (That’s my oh-so-subtle way of telling you that God is in control of these crazy/awesome changes that have been going on.) The fact that I’ve been quiet lately means something big. While it may seem like I’ve been doing a whole lotta nothin’, some seriously amazing stuff has been happening. I have been under major construction. It’s been messy and loud and painful to be rebuilt, but the dust is starting to clear and it’s really exciting. Vague? Yes, for now. Just be encouraged. Because if someone like me, coming from the sad, angry, confused and fearful place I was living in can be as joyful, fulfilled, mostly rage-free (still learning!) and just plain HAPPY with her simple life? Then there’s MAJOR hope for everyone else. ;)
Posted on: Fri, 27 Sep 2013 05:33:45 +0000