In light of what has happened to Robin Williams recently, and the clear devastation it has cause his friends, family and complete strangers to him. I feel this is an appropriate time for me to say Im suffering. Really badly. I have been for years. The past couple of weeks Ive actually been scaring myself, the thoughts I have and I dont like it. Ive been told by different doctors and counsellors that I have this or I have that. But Ive not been given a clear indication of what is actually wrong with me. I want people to understand that no event or anything in my life makes me feel sad unfortunately its how my brain has been programmed. I dont want to be sad, I have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful group of friends and a loving family. Non of that makes a difference. What I have is a medical condition, an illness. I cant control it myself. The one thing I lack is conviction, Im fully aware I need to see a doctor about how Im feeling. But my condition is very inward, I feel sorry for myself and as a result I dont do anything about it. I truly am suffering. Sure I may look fine from the outside, its a facade, a mask I put on to save face. An image I portray because its a lot easier than people telling you to suck it up and get on with it. Which actually makes you feel worse. I often sit and look at my friends and think why cant I just get on with my life? I feel horrible that Im so sad inside with no physical out laying reason to feel sad. Just a brain that doesnt work properly and I almost feel like I dont have the right to be this sad compared to a mother thats lost a child or a person living with a physically crippling illness. But I do, because what I have is an illness. Just because you cant see my wounds doesnt mean Im not sick. I dont really know what else to say...
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:39:18 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015