Insert 87 Even if i grow from it.. maybe I thought i have... Theres just those little things that trigger those moments!!...Id rather forget..The pain... horror.. self blame.. And betrayal..ndandiyela ntoni kulazi Punzane??...ndandiyothini ndedwa ndingayazi nalandawo?... My heart starts to beat so fast and i can feel it shaking in emptiness,.. My whole body shaking.... Feeling hungry but no food will help.. Even the very same people thatt should protect me turn out to be my worst nightmare. Then i start putting on fake smiles, ridiculous giggles trying to be brave cause your strong .... Who said strong woman cant feel hurt?.. cry or mope around??... Helpless cause i cant change it!!! nobody can...Something precious that made me so pure was ripped away from me on purpose... Then forcing myself to look at the eyes of the monster then my heart feels so numb i couldnt feel no more.... makes me realize im braver than, stronger than, more of a real woman my age could ever imagine.!! I forgive, then theres only 1 thing i want more dan anything.. To forget!!! but can I?.. I cant!! cause it is a story of my life that I have to leave with and accept!!!..it sorts of makes me aware of how strong I am... Do you feel overwhelmed? Do you feel like giving up? There’s honestly no shame in it...funny how I always tell that to people but I cant do it myself...im not a robot.. and even if I was...id still need to stop for maintenance sometimes... There’s no shame in admitting to myself that i feel exhausted.. doubtful.. and low.... This is a natural part of being human... The simple fact that I am aware of this means I am able to turn things around nhe??... It’s okay to fall apart for a little while... I don’t always have to pretend to be strong.. and there’s no need to constantly prove that everything is going well...I shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either.. cry if I need to ...it’s healthy to shed my tears... The sooner i do.. the sooner i will be able to smile again.... Pretending that I was okay was the only thing thats was killing me right now... I dont think I dealt with the rape... I just pretended that I am okay and looked the other away around... Yes I had my family..Zintle and my babies...I wasnt gonna be no rape victim!!... Right there and then I forgave my rapists...for everything!!!... I sat on the bed asking God for a miracle ...while doing that I stopped cause I realized that I already gave birth to miracles!!!... My 2 beautiful miracles... BOMIBETHU no MAZINE...
Posted on: Sun, 05 Oct 2014 20:12:00 +0000