It really makes me sad and MAD when people die of suicide. Its so horrible to feel that way and feel there is no other way out. The death of Robin Williams has really brought back some memories. Ive fought depression all my life. It gets ugly sometimes. Many, many moons ago, (about 20 years, give or take) I let it grip me in a horrible situation and I did some crazy shit. I swallowed a bottle of pills and slit one wrist wretchedly. I stared in fascination, not horror, at the layers of my body and the gushing blood. Then I remembered my BABIES. no matter how bad I felt, who would do my job if I was GONE? I took myself to the hospital with a towel wrapped around my arm. Stomach pumped. Liters of liquid charcoal swallowed. 27 ugly stitches that will sadly decorate my wrist forever. My biggest fear was I would lose my kids. I made a pact with the Dr in the ER that night. I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do anything like this again if he would please, oh PLEASE! just not turn me in to child services. I guess he believed me, because nothing ever happened. I have felt at the end of my rope a THOUSAND times since then, but that memory never leaves me. I have daydreamed how simple it would be to just drive off into the lake and be finished with stress, sadness, despair. Unless you really understand depression, you probably think Im crazy. Well, I mean, I kinda AM crazy, but not in a bad way. My point in posting this is: DONT LET IT GET YOU. Theres ALWAYS another day. It passes!!! Mind you, even with medication, it comes back...but dont let it have so much of you that we lose you! We need YOU in this world, YOUR smile, YOUR talents, YOUR unique perspective! Make it through. Reach out. If you cant reach out, go outside. Pet a dog. Scream out loud. Cry. Go through the motions. It will pass. It really WILL! Do whatever it takes to get through it. Just get through it. You can call me or message me anytime. Please...dont do anything you cant undo.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 00:01:47 +0000
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