Its been a Reagan day. I was up a lot last night and when ever I have time to just think, my thoughts go back to my memories of him. I follow a lot of little ones who are sick on Facebook, I do this because I know how it feels to have someone like or leave a comment on a post. It literally has carried me several times when some one has liked or left a comment on my post, I have even received private messages that have....just gave me goose bumps, because these people have no idea that I needed their messages at that exact time. I know through these ways, Im not alone. God moments :) Last night they showed a picture of a little girl, she had recently had open heart surgery, the bruising, the talk of how sick she was left me with that gut wrenching sick feeling...she was going to die. I hovered over the like and thought to myself I cant, I cant watch her die. I moved my hand and wouldnt you know I accidently liked the page. Bluh. Shes had another surgery today and seems to be doing a lot better. This is Gods way of reminding me, Hes in control. Reg called at lunch time and I told him Its a Reagan day and he told me it was the same for him, he said he was on his mind all night and all day. Reg and I do that a lot. This Christmas was the hardest yet for us, we dont know why. Christmas Eve Reg and I went to see Reagan, just the two of us. We stood in front of Reagans grave and our thoughts were heavy around us. We stood side by side and held hands. I asked him Why is this year the hardest? He shrugged and said I dont know, but isnt it funny how we always feel the same? Most couples it pushes them apart, I think it has made us even closer. I love the cartoon Tangled, but there is a part on there that reminds me so much of Reg, the night her parents send off the lanterns and the look on her fathers face. That look is what I see on Reg, a look of such heavy sorrow, sadness, grief. Reg loves his kids. Loves them and they adore him. Reg and I would playfully fight who would take care of Reagan in the first hospital. It might have been the easy task of changing his diaper and taking his temp but we were so eager to do ANYTHING for him. Reg never got to give him a bath. Silly, huh? A bath. 3 years, its almost been 3 years. I just wanted you to know, thank you for the likes the comments and the private messages on ALL my post, pics, whatever. Reg and I are always uplifted by them. Please pray for me, I have made the decision I AM going to look at Reagans pictures. Regi said he saw some on our computer a few weeks ago, it made him very sad, but he said it wasnt as hard as he thought it would be, it was just very, very sad. I want to see my Reagan before his surgery and maybe chase away those bad images, but last night just the thought of those pictures had me crying. Also pray for me on some things Im thinking about doing in Reagans name. I cant let him be forgotten. Love ya.
Posted on: Fri, 10 Jan 2014 03:16:52 +0000
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