Ive been crazy inactive on social media lately, and for some reason Im about to talk about shit here that I never like to share over places like this, but I really want people to understand who I am as a person sometimes. Not just when you see me IN PERSON but behind the scenes as well. Since the beginning of high school Ive battled with chronic manic-depression...I know at first glance it doesnt seem like anything ever bothers me, but I keep it fairly quiet whenever bouts of what I call the other Luka hit me without warning. There are no specific triggers, nothing in my life that needs to go right or wrong, its just there and beats me down to the point that I want death to be the only option for escaping such persistent negativity. These past few weeks went from good to worse in my head and this past monday I was in a place where the only outcome I could see for myself was making it so I didnt have to wake up the next day...Id had enough of the bullshit darkness that was flooding my mind but at the last minute I made a phone call to one of my best friends back home and she calmed me down from vigorous tears to help me figure out a balance between the good and evil that I found within myself. And that was it. I was ok. Not cured, but stable enough to realize how much help I need now more than ever. Im going to be starting a therapy program soon through a hospital in Chicago that will hopefully help me learn to attack these bouts head on. Even chemical imbalances can be tamed over time. I wanted you all to know how much I love each and every one of you. All the different communities Ive had the honor of surrounding myself with have brought me a life times worth of happiness and sense of family and because of that Im not going anywhere, thats a promise. No matter how low I can get I know I have so much to live for. My family counts on me, my band counts on me, my friends count on me and I count on myself to reciprocate that love and respect back to them. Youre all the reason Im still here and for that I wanted to thank you. If you have any words of wisdom please feel free to share with me on this post or privately, whatever works for you.
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 22:38:10 +0000
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