Ive been wrong about plenty of things in the past, and Im honestly ashamed of it. Because Im ashamed about it, I dont talk about it. Im afraid I give off a know-it-all impression, that I dont admit Im wrong about anything. I need people to come in and tell me Im wrong. I need criticism in order to further develop my own thoughts. Im terrified of people thinking Im a nut, and although Im not going to change my mind just because someone called me a whackjob, it does bother me, and if someone I feel close to compares me to someone indoctrinated into a cult, it is very hurtful. Politicians, media pundits, whatever. These people disgust me. I think consistency is very important in understanding the world. I have plenty of flaws. I focus on them because I think I can fix them and improve myself. Ive not been the most sociable, respectful, respectable, responsible, kind, honest person, and I ought to change this. Im not close with my family. I dont feel able to talk to my grandpa about most things. My grandmother has Alzheimers (and because of this, I seem to need to mention that Im not related to her, because Im sometimes afraid someone will assume I am and that Ill have Alzheimers one day) and I often feel uncomfortable when I ignore her or when I used to lock doors to keep her out of my rooms, or when I (generally) dont treat her like I treat sane people. Ive been an ass to my brother ever since I was little. Ive tried to live up to my grandfathers expectations to the extent that I could make him happy, and I really hope hes feeling alright, and I want to make him proud of me. Im not satisfied with my appearance, and there are plenty of things I can do about that, and Im committed to working on that, I promise. Im working with my best friend - Cristian E Villalobos, and hes done things for me, and opened doors for me, that I might never have even found without him. I want to make a major impact on the world where I think things have gone awry. I cant think of any other purpose in my life than what I give to myself. I hope that one day Ill be able to prove that Im not a whackjob. I want people to be able to look up to me. I dont want to lose the childish spirit of asking questions about everything. I dont want to be a boring old guy, reading the paper every morning, doing a day job just to keep from getting bored, to feel like I have a purpose. That makes me feel terrible. I dont want to keep regretting things. I want to be a leader. But I need help. I dont know how to express it. Im willing to do a lot to accomplish what I am aiming for. I need to stick with my best friend. I believe in his abilities, and I think he believes in mine. Weve got what we need for now, we just need to work with it. Im glad someone believes in me. I just need a new suit, some nice shoes, and well be rolling.
Posted on: Fri, 25 Oct 2013 07:43:41 +0000
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