Ive decided that at some point today I would open up and let everyone here that wants to know, well, know more about what has gone on this past year, so here goes... I have been seeing a therapist since around January of this year, personally I dont feel that it is helping in the slightest, I can talk to my mother or my sister about these issues and they actually do know first hand what I am going through. I have been labeled as med resistant thus far by the doctors, meaning that I get some of the negative side affects and 0 of the benefits from said medications, which royally sucks not only for physical well being but also it makes it more difficult to keep a positive out-look. As for what happened, no one know, seriously. They are speculating that I had a series of nervous breakdowns (yeah, multiples) which left me in a somewhat fragile state. They are speculating the possibilities of schizophrenia which Im not really buying into, I wont go into too many details because I really do not want to change what people see when they look at me... I guess that is really why I havent discussed any of this in depth. Bi-polar, manic depressive, schizo, overwhelmed because my senses are far more sensitive than they should be, savant, PTSD, OCD... allot of labels being thrown at me, the only thing for certain is now that my Medi**** is active and covers 100%, I really need to have a full spectrum neurological work-up done because thus far there is way too much speculation for my tastes. I did take a step back from the Cam for awhile, kinda sorta had to, well, I didnt have to, but it was like I woke up one day and lost complete and total interest in everything and anything that I enjoyed the previous day, yeah, that was a system shock, wake up one day and NOTHING interests you. So, Ive spent some time re-evaluating (well, more like relearning lol) my hobbies, my likes/dislikes, personal opinion on self image... everything that I took for granted previously I had to relearn about myself because it was almost as if my sense of identity vanished, I dont know if that makes any sense at all. These days I have learned when I need to step away, being disabled now I do have the luxury (ha! luxury... nothing luxurious about this crap) of putting myself into a time-out whenever I need it. I would rather be working 80 hours a week but I cant even spend 15 minutes caulking a tub without having issues, a loud noise the next street over sends me into spastic fits, so I am stuck wearing headphones almost all day and a fan running a foot away from my head just to limit what I can hear.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 21:20:28 +0000
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