Ive had some bad dreams in my time, but I think last nights takes the cake. Im living in Chicago which has become an absolute war zone. Even if youre not gang affiliated you have to be very aware of gun violence, be it from stray bullets or mistaken identity. There were several moments where I was absolutely paralyzed with fear trying to inconspicuously move from one block to the next after identifying gang members. Eventually I got caught up in the general paranoia of the time and was held prisoner by a gang led by Dodgers pitcher Zack Greinke (of all people) under suspicion of being a rival gang member. While captured I developed Stockholm Syndrome and began trying to help the gang with their violent schemes. After gaining their trust I acquired a weapon and began engaging in regular paranoid shootouts, catching a handful of non-lethal shots to my extremities. It was a terribly fearful existence. But I let my guard down one day at the beach. I saw this incredibly beautiful girl and decided to go talk to her (probably the least realistic part of this whole thing). She wasnt having my advances, accusing me of not being tough enough for her. I was like, What are you talking about? Ive been shot 5 times! She then screams shrilly back at me, Youre everything thats wrong with this city! Then several factions of young men all over the beach turn their attention away from what theyre doing and towards me. And simultaneously they all pull out their guns and just light me up from all angles in an epic cinematic execution. As Im dying this excitable father figure type comes and hovers over me. With that proud, victory cigar kinda laugh he exclaims, How bout these new recruits, eh!? After I fail to respond he begins covering my body with sand and consoling me. Aw, dont feel too bad, kid. It happens to the best of em. Then I woke up with searing back pain.
Posted on: Fri, 16 May 2014 16:11:32 +0000
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