Leaving Youtube: Cant believe i just deleted 96 videos off my youtube channel. 2 years on youtube has become a curse. I never thought Id get so many girls watching me, looking up to me, as well as all the hate & negativity that came along with it. I actually thought a few dozen girls only would be looking at my channel, I am looking at the number now and its up to almost 3 million views. My videos were featured on Iraqi TV, Libyan TV, south african radio stations...etc I began AsoomiiJay company on my own and it was an interesting run, and i learnt alot alhamdillah. I lost people close to me during this journey, people i considered my future, and someone i considered my sister, my best friend, ...etc but now i look back i am so thankful Allah took these people out of my life because it showed me who truly was there for me for ME, who would have supported me no matter what and who was only with me for their benefit and left when they were insecure and only now I am thankful. I received so much hate for tryng to be me, for trying to be real, and it made me physically and mentally sick because I know how sensitive I am, but i am always trying to see the best in people. (And no this is not what has made me take the decision to leave but it has opened up my eyes to how stupid people are and what a waste of life youtube is). There is so much more to life than sitting around advertising everythng i eat, wear, do. I mean no disrespect to other youtubers, but youtube to me, has become something to gain popularity, has become a way to gain appreciation from "fans", to boost their confidence. I miss my privacy. I miss life. I became addicted to the internet and felt I was a slave to people. People who dont appreciate anything. With video requests and filming whatever people asked me to film. These smalll petty people who have nothing better to do than bring others down and so as youtubers, we have become afraid to show who we actually truly are. we have to be strong, we have to show off that our life is "perfect" because if we DARE show how we truly feel, all hell breaks loose. I dont want to be popular. I dont want to be a celebrity. that life is for people who have 0 confidence in themselves and constantly feed off "fans" love and attention. I had a good run, these past two years were an adventure I will never ever forget ad I have Yasminfufu to thank for everything and for my mother who never gave up on me in the end alhamdillah. My role model ha always been yasminfufu, when i was down, she lifted me up. When i was happy, she was truly genuily happy for me, there was never any jealousy, our relationship is so ... real.. so raw! I never have to feel ashamed in front of her and alhamdillah allah sent me the bestest friend and sister i can ever ask for. All i ever wanted to do, was be there for girls who had no one to listen to them, just as I was right after my divorce. I wanted to be the reason someone said, because of you, i am confident, i didnt give up, im going to make it and succeed in life. And so, with me leaving, i want each and every one of you to always keep this mind, i was not here on youtube as a "public figure" but as your big sister. I love each and every single one of you. I met so many wonderful girls and learnt so much, and I hope i was able to do the same. I am no longer going to pursue the AsoomiiJay fashion business, because life is so much more important than that. I dont want to tell you how to dress or how to be to feel confident. Nothing and no one can change that if you dont love yourelf. I reached a point where i no longer care what anyone thinks of me anymore. To be truly confident, you need to let go of this hype and craze of this fashion business. All i see is "sheep" and youtubers and muslim businesses are taking advantage of that. They see you girls as wanting to feel confident in your hijab and so they use that to their benefit to tell you how to look. "Look like this youtuber" " look like this celebrity", "feel confident and beautiful in your hijab". honestly, theres so much more to life than what you have on your back. If you dont feel confident in your hijab without all of this craze, then you will never feel confident. what have you got to be ashamed of? Do it for the right reason! You all asked me "Assma tell us about your hijab story" and i said " I wore the hijab at the age of 9, despite my mother telling me to wait, because I said I love Allah and I want to please Allah". Well that should be a reason enough. I know its hard habibatees, but it has been predicted there will come a time when Muslims will be the most hated. But there will also come a time when Muslims will rule the world. This fashion is business is all a distraction from the true purpose of life. Work on your well being. Focus on your health. Get a proper education. Because without education, you have nothing. DOnt depend on marrying a rich man, ladies, money as easy as it comes, it can leave just like that. And stop worrying so much about having financial problems. Say Alhamdillah you have a bed to sleep on, a roof over your head. You dont have a mansion or a fancy car with a driver, but look what others have. Whenever you start to feel down, habibatees, spend time with the less fortunate to open up your eyes and bring you back to reality. My goal in life is to achieve detachment. Detachement from "dunya" from "material things". Yes i like to look pretty and dress well but that doesnt define me. My body type doesnt define me. whats on my head doesnt define me. Its whats in my heart, whats IN my head, and my character. Treat others as you want to be treated. I honestly wish i can make a difference in the world for the better, make people love eachother because we fight over the dumbest most pointless things. I wished to change all the things wrong with this society but i cant. What we can do is start with ourselves. Im laughing and crying as im writing this because hey, i think i finally grew up. I dont know what sparked all of this, maybe i got fed up of this fake youtube life, and life all about popularity (which i never wanted anyways) that people are fighting for constantly in todays messed up society. Maybe i saw how much my depression and anxiety is making those who care about me truly worry and i feel guilty about them worrying for me all the time. Or maybe its this cancer scare (which i did not wish to announce because i do not want anyones pity, because if people truly cared for me they would have asked about me anyways, not now only to show they "care") (for all those nosy people, its thyroid and i have a biopsy in two days to check another part of my neck which also might be infected in the lymph nodes, I might be on radioactive iodine treatement and hormone replacement but its all so fast and Im just taking it one day at a time alhamdillah)- So you see what happens when you dont take care of yourself, make yourself a priorty and stop worrying about things that dont matter? I take this as a wake up call from allah, and start a new chapter in my life Inchallah. I want to thank everyone for the wonderful experience, thank my family for all their support and patience and my best friends yasy & mike for all their support through everything. I would appreciate it if people dont bombard me with questions because this is the last post regarding this. And one last thing, as muslims, as humans (forget religion), treat others as you want to be treated. always remember that in every single thing you do.
Posted on: Wed, 09 Oct 2013 04:41:29 +0000
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