Liars who believe their lies are pathological Posted on January 21, 2013 | By Mary Jo Rapini, Licensed Relationship and Family It is no secret that lying happens all the time. All of us lie, and yet all of us value honesty more than any other virtue. Lying has become easier and although we will adamantly state it isn’t acceptable to lie, as a society we seem to accept it more and more. We expect people to lie on their profiles, we tolerate athletes lying and even embrace their comeback, and lying to your spouse about having an affair has been going on since the dark ages. We don’t like it, but we know it happens and barely raise an eyebrow anymore. In light of recent athletes being caught in lies and cover-ups for years, we have to ask, “Is lying part of every successful person’s story?” Are we creating liars because living honestly won’t be as exciting, fun, valued or full of fame? Does our constant need for more, bigger and better in sports create people or pressure them into lying? In truth, for every liar there is at least one person who needs to believe the lie. In the case of high-profile liars there are millions who need to believe the lie. Family members, loved ones, and entire institutions want the lies to be true. They became part of the lie and offer more credibility to perpetuating the lie. No doubt the media, along with Oprah’s help, has identified that even when the liar comes clean, since he no longer comprehends the truth from the lie, he has no idea how to be honest. He is still guarded, protected and self-serving. He continues to wrap it in a pretty picture as he keeps hedging his answers as guarded due to his inability to “snitch” on someone else. Make no mistake; this guy’s lies are so interwoven with all of the other players that it is only himself he is trying to protect. He sold his mother, his kids and every supporter to keep his own fame and sense of fame self protected. This defines a new category of lying which is Pathological Liar. Their sole reason to lie is to make themselves the hero in their own story, and in their own minds. Woe to the person who begins disrobing the pathological liar. Pathological liars are different from the everyday white lie type. Pathological liars lie to achieve their goal and they don’t care in the least about hurting the feelings of others. It’s not a habit such as the compulsive liar; rather it is meticulously planned, and malicious as needed. They don’t care if you get hurt. It is all about them, and their bigger than God feelings about themselves. As I attend meetings and speaking engagements, one thing is for sure. Lying is on the increase, especially pathological lying. The anonymity of social media makes it easier for pathological liars to dupe innocent people into becoming targets. While white lies are usually tolerated, pathological liars destroy relationships, families, careers, and lives. Since they don’t care about anyone but themselves, and they don’t value honesty, being involved with one is a ticket to destruction. Below is a short list of what the thinking is of a pathological liar. If you think you may be one or married to one, or the parent of one, the time for treatment is now. They lie about so many things, and for stupid things that you don’t pay attention to, or would not care if you did know. They exaggerate issues, and make them very broad so you cannot follow and basically don’t care to. They are always the hero in these stories and you should pay attention to this. They always need to have the BEST story, and they like having it last. There is an element of control in their stories, which is why they insist on having the last word. There self-esteem is low, so the lie becomes a way for them to boost their self-esteem. This is also why they begin believing the lie, which in turn makes them think of themselves in an esteemed manner. Catching them in a lie is not difficult, but confronting them is. They get very defensive, most likely, because they believe the lie, think nothing of telling a lie, and have no value or purpose with the truth, so when you confront them they attack. The first line of helping a pathological liar is going back into their childhood and helping them piece together their fragile sense of self. Years of work, and a person who can be with them at all times, reminding them what is and isn’t true helps with their recovery. Since they don’t care about how others are affected with their lies, there are fewer and fewer people willing to love them or work with them. The life of a pathological liar becomes ultimately a life of loneliness and emptiness. Due to their lying personality though, they may never realize how empty their life is because they have created a new lie, which once again makes them out to be The BEST. The damaged lives they leave behind unfortunately know the whole truth. –Mary Jo Rapini myfoxhouston/video?clipId=8212562&autostart=true
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 07:47:42 +0000
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