MEMOIRS OF A SLU...SHHHKID 25 Friday, October 29th 2010 Dear Diary 8.00am I so looked forward to today not because I was travelling to Warri for the first time but because I had the luxury of waking up at 8:00am. I stay on the Island and work in Ikeja so I have to wake up 5.30am on workdays. This hustle na die, mehn but as man pesin go chop…. 10.20am I was travelling on Arik and that took me to the old Lagos domestic airport. I hate travelling from the old domestic airport but that’s nothing compared to the madness referred to as “Arrival lounge”. There’s something about the arrival lounge that makes you sweat in less than 10minutes in any weather condition. The language belt is a different story all together and even more interesting during multiple arrivals. I checked in and moved over to departure lounge to wait for boarding ‘cos my flight was for 11:55am. While chilling in the arrival lounge, I noticed quite a number of Oyinbos with their former afulawo now wifey with their oversize wedding rings. I’m not trying to judge but I think some of these Oyibos may have married these chics without their “real eyes”. Like they get posted to Nigeria and they leave their families at home. On getting to Nigeria, they start patronizing one local bar and with time, they will notice one slim-short-dress-wearing-cigarette-smoking afulawo who likes to dance with her waist and before you know it, they’ve started “straffing” them without and 3 months after they would be living in the same house. Some of these chics leave it at “Live in lovers P” but some of them take it a bit far by getting married to them knowing fully well that there’s an existing Oyinbo wife somewhere but then since their mothers in the village are only interested in having “half caste” after all there’s nothing totally wrong in being called “Mama Oyinbo” especially when it comes with the benefit of eating caned food and an over sized sweater with the inscription “I LOVE NEWYORK”. 12:30pm When I realized that we weren’t going to fly as scheduled, I decided to get me some food before fainting. If you are reading this and you’ve been to prison before, please tell me, what the major differences are between airport food and prison food, if the airport food is better, then I don’t ever want to go to prison. Flight finally left at 1.30pm and we were in Warri within 45 minutes. I can’t say what I expected to see in Warri but I noticed that the airport was very neat and there were no militants with huge guns parading the city. Checked into my hotel and as the SLU..Shhkid, I tried all my Waffi connects for “a good” friend but nothing came through. 9:00pm You know this thing they say about not judging a book by its cover, I decided to explore Warri town as required by the job that took me there in the first place. First call was a joint called “The Players club” where you can “point” and have your choice of fish roasted for you. I didn’t want to miss the action so I pointed at one and they garnished well for me. My driver suggested that we move to “DE PUND” for some live music and “fresh babes” according to him. Trust me, I wanted to experience the music and not the fresh babes but then I wasn’t planning on turning down a green light after all experiencing a town should be totally done. I mean, how else would you say you have experienced/explored a new environment/place. Dudes, believe me, Warri no dey carry last and their babes get to the finishing line first before the guys. At the gate the chics were sagging and no, most of them do not need a date to go to the club. Unlike Lagos chics, most of the babes that I saw were all holding their own bottle and were not waiting for one man to pop any bottle of champagne for them. Most had a bottle of Star and were not afraid to swing it straight from the bottle. I stayed a bit and then we drove to “The Range” which I think is the biggest Club in Warri. I stayed a while but I preferred the DJ at the “DE PUND” so I didn’t stay long before heading back to the hotel alone. At the hotel, sleep wouldn’t visit so I got chatting with Kiki. Kiki is my online lover. She’s a slim fine chic with an ass that will make Niki Minaj go pink with envy. Saturday, October 30th 2010 Dear Diary 10.00am I woke up with Lagos on my mind and because there was a lot planned for the day. You know this thing about waking up and going back to sleep thinking “there’s still time” well, I went back to sleep, woke up and realized that I was running late for my flight and I had to “fly” a bike from the hotel to the airport. Yes, I’m hood like that and for Warri, “all way na way”. I flew back with Tuface and I told him that I have his entire album collection. He gave me one advice –“Play safe, brother”. 360nobs/2010/11/memoirs-of-a-slu-shhkid-wk25/
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 09:31:11 +0000
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