My body deserves a friend and I am it. I live inside of a body that experiences intense daily pain. Some days I cant get out of bed. Some days I do pretty well and get shit done. But its been a lifetime of living with chronic pain and Ive learned a lot about myself and about pain. The number one most powerful medicine for pain is presence, it is being a friend in presence for my body. If I needed to go back through the insanity of self-inquiry 100 times over again to break the addiction to my mind as me just to experience this moment conscious of the pain appearing in this body, I would do so gladly. Pain is here and I dont want anything from it. Thats the giant secret of coping with intense body pain. Of course thats very challenging when the body is having overwhelming sensations. Being consciously in this moment means that I am here with these severe sensations and I dont reach into them with a story. It means I can be here with pain and not pull away from it with a story. No moving into and no moving away, simply being with, intimately within. I consistently find this to be the tao of pain management. This path takes a little attention, initially it seems to take a little more effort to remain conscious of what is happening rather than lubing the moment up with positive and negative projections about whatever is happening. It appears like more effort to be with the daily grind of chronic pain neutral and aware, but its actually more work managing pain in my mind. What I notice is that behind all the chatter in my head about the pain I am in, I am powerfully and naturally lots of space for this body to be as it needs to be. There are times I forget this, but what is more difficult is trying to manipulate and guilt this body with my mind when it already has so much to deal with just existing as a body with disabilities. Now my body has a friend in me, its the conscious part of myself that can meet this body it lives in again and again for a compassionate hug in the moment rather than a guilt trip or heady resentments. Now this body can use its resources reaching for stasis rather than offering energy to my mental chatter. Wanting nothing of pain and standing here with arms wide open for this body to be as it is without a lot of metal weight, this is how I am the friend on the inside that my body deserves.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 15:22:40 +0000
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