My son was an accident, the most beautiful wonderful kind of accident that could have ever happened and I will never regret having him. But trying to make a relationship with his father work is the biggest mistake I could have ever made. The fighting is so bad between us, almost daily. I dont solely blame him, but the time has come that for the sake of my son we need to split. He has been economically abusing me since I was no longer able to work, and now that I am able to work again he wont pay for even a couple weeks worth of daycare until I get a paycheck. I feel as though I have no way to make any money so that I can leave him. But because he hasnt hit me I dont know if I even qualify for any kind of help to get me back on my feet. I feel so alone most days. I rarely even confide in my friends anymore, because I was told by a mutual friend that everyone is sick of our shit. He left tonight, to do god knows what, and Im sitting here crying. I know I gotta pull it together for my son, but I dont know how much more I have to give before I fall apart. And give me the worst mother awards, but sometimes the thought that my son would be better off in someone elses care creeps into my head, and I dont always shoo it away. Im trying to do the things that my therapist has taught me, but Im struggling a lot with that tonight. I wish I could call my therapist, anyone really. At least my son is still smiling for now, every giggle gives me 5 miutes more strength. Reposted by four
Posted on: Fri, 28 Nov 2014 09:09:47 +0000
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