NOT:::: Dave Prest the greedy dribbling Yorkshire Terrier Sturridge who briefly pauses mid dribble to have an action photo taken cos hes been mistaken for Pete Sampras (more like a fresh cut Leo Sayer) whos horse racing tips have enabled us all to retire early and sit on facebook all day and his William Hill football predictions that come in just behind the periodicity of Hayleys Comet, NOT::: Joe wont pass back Black who scoops up the ball like a starving pelican and disguises the ball in his throat as an Adams Apple only to run 50 yards to regurgitate the ball and spit it into the net for his first ever Plough FC goal last year which was celebrated near the corner flag only to lose sight of Joe behind said flag resembling a quote from Bruce Lees Enter the Dragon lost yer for a minute there Joe, NOT::: Jay never scored a Bakers dozen in his whole career who offers out the biggest player on the pitch only to bottle it and take refuge with the referee being chased 8 times round the ref Collina the retired Italian old boy shouting Ref tell him only to swap numbers with Collina after the game as they are long lost brothers and use the same hair product who then moves onto being seen wandering around Blackpool asking every stranger he can find have you seen my mate Rocky I need a kebab only to be protected again by the Kevin Costner Rocko bodyguard when being chased round a kebab shop by Shaz from The Viz Comic who is screaming am gonna kill you you you *$%%^£$% NOT::: Chris the heat seeking SCUD missile lock on master who tries to cover every position on the pitch in one darting run resembling a scene from the Antil Mob who eventually run out of steam (faster than a $5 Morphy Richards iron) to finish up with his stick legs sticking in the mud resembling the final scene from Terminator 2 Liquid Cop snapping and breaking down final falling forward in the mud only for it to take three of us to separate his pepperami advert lips that have stuck to the pitch like an industrial hoover, NOT::: Brian the bruiser whos belly moves round the pitch with the grace of a Saudi Oil Tanker (with the same stopping speed and distance) who abides by every decision decreed by the ref who loves to shake every players hand in a gentlemanly fashion post game apart from one resembling Wayne Bridge and John Terry you fun my wife...did you fun my wife who puts in the tackle of his career only to update hid facebook status mid tackle with a few posts of just in a massive tackle followed by this is gonna hurt proceeded with status update injured only to be carried off the pitch by 4 guys and the moral support 24 instant FB notifications of get well soon Bri one of which was from his boss as he knows Bri is a glass back work dodger who gets beat up by 14 year old girls, NOT::: Michael Iron man Mike Dyson lips who does 364 days of Iron Man competitions for one low grade amateur has beens footy game resembling the 5 a side Priests match in Father Ted whos forehead K vein fills up faster than a Formula one fuel tank when he gets a radge on who we should stick in the nets and play a Peter Kay DVD as when he smiles he blocks off the whole net with nashers that would have Red Rum and Shergar turning in their horsey graves who after 3 wine gums, a sniff of the barmaids apron and a Baileys fu fu cocktail Del Boy would be jealous of proceeds to talk loving into Jays eyes with the voice volume in decibels of a British Airways jumbo (Jay that jumbo comment aint aimed at you btw) Jet who then proceeds to skip Morcombe & Wise styleee home early into the moonlight with his secret once a year Blackpool lover Jay into what is supposed to be the direction of our hotel but we all know every kebab shop in Blackpool is visited and is now know by the kebab shop owners of Blackpool as Get ready wife and kids its Rocky and Jay February so kill the fattest calf as tonight we celebrate the tills a ringing weekend. Well I was gonna do a Micky Lenehan character assassination for this traditional Blackpool much loved yearly event but Im hungry and my Steve Irwin shark/crocodile/spider bitten chicken wing needs elevating higher than Roccos quiff so Ill leave it to you guys...God Bless x
Posted on: Fri, 28 Feb 2014 00:56:16 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015